Today we’d like to introduce you to Stephanie Ghoston Paul.
Thanks for sharing your story with us Stephanie. So, let’s start at the beginning and we can move on from there.
I can start in 2013 when I formally began my coaching and consulting company. At the time, I was working for the government and feeling really unfulfilled as a lawyer. One of my coworkers pulled me aside one day and said: “Stephanie, every time I come into your office, I end up telling you something I don’t want to!” To which I replied, “I feel like that’s a personal problem!” But she was on to something. She went on to tell me that I was a good listener, that I had a knack for solving problems and that I should think about becoming a life coach. She connected me with a coach she followed and set me off on my way. I ended up hiring that coach and loved honing my coaching skills. I was still working full time as a federal government employee but secretly a motivational speaker and life coach on the side; it was if I was living a double life!
As I traversed those coaching circuits, I noticed a glaring disparity and began to wonder where were all the people of color who enjoyed personal development. It seemed that I would go to conference after conference of white men who had written books with other white men, who’d partner to co-author a book or another conference. I searched online for “black life coach” and came across Oprah, Iyanla Vanzant, and a third name I had vaguely heard of. When I reached out to that third person, I had no clue my life would make another huge shift. He became one of my mentors and I worked for his matchmaking company. I learned so much about pricing, company structure and culture, employee engagement, and entrepreneurship in general from this agency and used that knowledge to mold my own company.
At that time, after working with a lot of individual folks, they began to refer my services to community and civic organizations and institutional partners. These organizations were facing some of the same issues my individual clients were so I worked hard to figure out how to scale my efforts. In 2016 I moved to Portland, Oregon, which is where I became more heavily and intentionally involved in racial equity work on an institutional level. Living and working in Portland helped me realize that the radical, sustainable, and deep-rooted transformation I want to see happen on this planet requires shifts on an individual, community and institutional level. That’s when I realized my own personal work would be crucial to and serve as a model for transforming all three of those sites of change.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
It hasn’t! I have had plenty of struggles along the way. Most of them fall into two categories: side hustler to full-time entrepreneur dilemma and believing in myself.
The first one feels very external: being an entrepreneur is hard. You’re balancing so many things, besides just doing what you love and what you know you’re good at. I struggled trying to figure out how to replace my income and when to quit my 9-5 jobs for that very reason. After starting my company and getting some traction, I was faced with what I call the side hustler to full-time entrepreneur dilemma: if I wanted to make more money coaching, I’d have to quit my job, but to replace my job’s income, I’d have to get more clients and more experience coaching…which would be hard to get because I was still working. The thing about ‘doing what you love’ in a capitalistic society is, your rent still has to get paid.
On top of that, there are expectations and pressures that come from society, our parents, our friends, our various identities, etc. that make navigating the entrepreneur transition difficult. As a millennial black woman, first-generation college and graduate school graduate, I was certainly privileged in some senses because of those identity markers but I also felt pressure to perform because of those markers.
On the internal side, I know I had a fear of going all in. Of putting all my eggs in one basket and fully believing in myself. I was taught to hedge my bets. Or expect nothing/the worst-case scenario so anything better than the worst-case was a bonus. On a deeper level, all of the newness and uncertainty made me doubt myself. That’s why over the last six years I’ve taken intermittent side gigs or temporarily jumped back into the 9-5 pool, even if it didn’t fully align because I didn’t fully believe in myself just yet. I spent lots of time and energy pouring into other people’s dreams and life purposes only to neglect my own. I got to a point where I was sick of doing that: I kept hearing how amazing I was but hadn’t internalized it yet.
I set out to first figure out how I could start to see myself as other people saw me – talented, brilliant, powerful, loving, compassionate. As I worked to close that gap, a deeper inquiry emerged and I began to focus on how I could start to see myself as I actually am. How to develop that sense of internal validation no matter how people saw or experienced me. It was then that I truly found a freedom that I had never experienced before. That’s where I live now!
Cultivated Sense – what should we know? What do you guys do best? What sets you apart from the competition?
Cultivated Sense provides services that reflect how I envision holistic, long-term deeply rooted, sustainable change on this planet – we need transformational shifts on an individual, communal and institutional level.
On an individual level – I help high-achieving leaders embrace their brilliance so they can fully step into their power and activate their potential. I specialize in 1. self-care, so people can balance their lives by prioritizing themselves; 2. boundaries, so you can do more by doing less; 3. helping clients embody being free, whole and enough.
On a community level – I help communities heal together and practice thriving instead of surviving. In addition to developing workshops, my latest community offering is called Take Nothing When I Die (TNWID), a movement that reminds us we are living ancestors. The TNWID podcast and patreon celebrate and amplify the wisdom of people who’ve managed multiple careers in one lifetime.
On an institutional level – I use anti-oppression and liberatory frameworks to help companies embed diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) into their core identities. As a result, companies are better able to align their DEI and social justice commitments with their current culture and identity.
I am most proud of the clients I’ve worked with who have actually put in the work and gotten the results they’ve wanted. I can think of two in particular who were written off by their family, community, and organizational supervisors, only to blossom into their full potential and outperform any expectations they or anyone else had for themselves after working with me. I love seeing the “aha” moment on a client’s face, knowing that they’ve experienced a transformational shift they can never forget.
What sets me apart: My coaching and consulting practice is what I call multimodal – I can incorporate breath work and the esoteric, bring the science and theory into it, empathize through sharing personal experience, delve into religion or art, and so much more! I love that I can relate to my clients on a variety of levels. I think I’ve also had a wide breadth of experience in my short time on this earth – if I haven’t gone through it myself, I’ve mentored, coached someone who has, or my family member, friend, or mentor had guided me through it. I am a disciplined listener, which takes tremendous skill! When problem-solving, I like to get at the root of the issue. Although I prefer long term engagements, I actually don’t want to be anyone’s coach or consultant forever. I want to get at the root of the matter and give you tools to use for yourself so you are empowered to solve anything that comes up in the future.
My role is to hold a vision of yourself or your company until you’re able to on your own. I also have a gift for telling the truth and holding a firm line while being gentle. I’ve learned the delicate balance of being a mirror and reflecting what I see and hear from a client, while also offering my truth and wisdom. I ask great questions; I am very curious! Connecting with others comes easily to me – I can network with and meet almost anyone despite being a true introvert. I also love humor and think I am quite funny!
What is “success” or “successful” for you?
I define success as living in alignment with my purpose. I was given a number of talents, gifts, messages, and plenty of wisdom to share with the world. I am in integrity with myself when I am living and working in alignment with that purpose. As far as external collaboration, I look at the mission, values, roadmap, outcomes, and track record of potential colleagues, companies, partners, etc to make sure we are in alignment.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.stephanieghoston.com
- Email: sghostonpaul@gmail.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/CultivatedSense
- Facebook: www.facebook,com/CultivatedSense
- Twitter: www.twitter.com/
CultivatedSense - TNWID Community: www.instagram.com/
takenothingwhenidie; www.twitter.com/TNWID
www.stephanieghoston.com/tnwid - Other: www.linkedin.com/in/
stephanieghostonpaul/
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