Today we’d like to introduce you to Amber Stephens.
Thanks for sharing your story with us Amber. So, let’s start at the beginning and we can move on from there.
I’ve always been a problem solver. I mean I was innovative enough in middle school to steal a bra and stuff it until it reached capacity in order to solve my body image issues. 😂
As a child, I had a very wounded heart. I had a lot of experiences that instilled rejection into my tender kid heart -including my father leaving me at a young age, bullies etc. Those perpetual experiences of rejection became a strong part of who I was. I simply wanted to be someone’s first choice. I wanted to be seen and loved.
In middle school, like any other preteen girl, I struggled with body image. I was told by family members & even random strangers that I was too skinny. Apparently, there are seasons where skinny is popular and seasons where skinny is not popular. However, in every season, my body has always been slim and lacking curves. I recall going to school and recognizing that the most popular girl (the guys’ first pick) had the body most of us scrawny middle schoolers wanted. This girl that seemed to be everyone’s choice had one trait none of the rest of us did – a bigger bust size than all of our little middle school bodies combine!
So I devised a plan. Let me tell you what I did with my innovative, hormonal, “I can fix it” middle school mind. I just knew this would be the plan of all plans. I was going to get a “better” body within 24 hours. No one’s New Year gym resolutions were going to be able to top the plan the quickest body transformation in history. After the exhaustive 5 seconds of planning, I decided to find a way to increase my bust size before the school bus arrived the next day. I arrived home from school and started to search for materials for the ultimate, logical and foolproof plan of increasing my bust size before I had to walk to the bus stop the next day.
Desperate, I snuck into my mother’s drawers and stole one of her DD cup bras and then searched for a filler. Socks? Too lumpy. Water balloons? Too messy. Chicken cutlets? 👀 Too much salmonella! Aha, tissue! Yes, tissue was the solution my 6th grade mind told me would be right. I rolled up enough tissue to fill the bra to the brim and only slightly overflow. Really causal like. I wanted it to look natural of course. 🙄 Then I squeezed on the tightest shirt I owned – a fitted lime green shirt with a frog ironed on the chest. The shirt was so tight it no longer was regular sized. It had become a mini crop top since it was meant for my barely A body, but in seconds I had blossomed into what I considered a DD cup masterpiece.
The next day I walked to the bus with confidence. It was more like stupidity, but you can’t deter a girl with her mind made up. Assured I had made the right decision, I climbed chest-first onto the school bus. I’m not sure if time actually did stop or if it was simply my heart dropping into my butt realizing all eyes were on me. Let’s just say, I got noticed alright! I definitely became someone’s first choice at that very moment. But something outside of my tearing fibers of my now belly shirt was wrong. I got what I wanted. I was seen alright but in all of the wrong ways. I was the first choice to be whispered about during the bus ride to school. My confidence instantly diminished and I continued to struggle with being confident of who I truly was. How can in one instant I go from feeling the most confident I’d been to feeling like I was the worst?
The tough lesson that I didn’t learn until I was much older was that no matter how much you change the outside, your wounded heart is still there. Isn’t it funny the logic a wounded heart has? Why in the world did I think no one would be suspicious of a FOUR size cup increase in a matter of 24 hours!!! Haha! 🤦🏾♀️😂 It definitely wasn’t funny then like it is now.
Fast forward to adulthood, I was still seeing this theme of not feeling seen for who I truly am, not being good enough and something being wrong with me to show up in my life. It did not matter that I had gotten married, had a child or was in accelerating in my career. Feelings of rejection would rear its ugly head in smaller ways from the terrible thoughts I’d have and even in big ways to allowing someone’s controlling nature to dictate how I lived my life – all in the name of being accepted. We often think we can self care our wounds to death, but they still exist when you’re done doing your “self-care” activity.
The reality is that when we believe lies, our filter in life is foggy. We see things through the filter of the lie we believe. We judge situations based off of a skewed truth. And believe me, the world will give you plenty of lies to chew on – including people’s judgments, media and the words people speak. I think this is how so many of us get trapped in the cycle of believing lies about who we are. We believe something shown or spoken to us that was untrue & as we develop, people & experiences reinforce the lie that we believe.
It wasn’t until I said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, and I put in the hard work to change my thought patterns. Those new thought patterns changed my actions and therefore, changed my life. Now I confidently stand in front of women and tell my life stories as an anthem showing that life is a journey of healing, grace and ultimately freedom! Once I went through a healing process from painful life experiences and started to believe the truth about who I am, it will change my entire life. The harsh reality is that rejection is a part of all of our stories and it hurts, but it does not have to define us. It doesn’t have to take our confidence away.
Now, I get to show up in life every day confidently healed and as my authentic self! I can let go of limiting beliefs about myself, and I get the privilege of guiding other women to do the same!
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
Certainly, from my story, you can see that building confidence has not been a smooth road for me. Even though the tissue in my stuffed bra cups grew my bust size overnight 😂, getting to have the confidence that I do now didn’t happen so quickly. Struggling with the insecurities, unprocessed pain from childhood and tough life situations didn’t make it easy. I think we all experience some parts of life that cause bumps in our journey, and if we can be REAL about it, that is how we can connect with each other.
My advice to others would be the same advice I had to/have to take myself. Understand that TIME DOES NOT HEAL ALL WOUNDS. You would’ve thought I learned my lesson after my middle school disaster, but a wounded heart cannot be healed through experience. If time and experience could heal us, then shouldn’t we all be healed by now? Our wounded hearts need more than just time; it needs TRUTH. The lie that I believed about myself was that something was ultimately wrong with me, and I wouldn’t be valuable enough until it was fixed.
Learn how to attack the root issue and not just the symptoms. I would be to figure out the lies that are holding you back from being your true authentic self. FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE and fight every lie that tries to contradict it. Get the help you need for whatever you need and don’t be ashamed of it. Defeating lies, healing and embracing who you are created to be is the only way to experience true change and long term success.
Please tell us about Embracing ME.
I created a business called Embracing ME. I help women to embrace authenticity, to stop “faking it” in life and fall in love with their true selves in a real way. Kind of like Jada Pinkett Smith meets Jeannie Mai from The Real. I see myself as a guide helping women get to where you want to be in life through the pathway of true healing.
Embracing ME is a safe place where you can find your voice and community while discovering your true self. I believe what sets me apart from others is I’m not afraid of the messy stuff. Nothing really shocks me having seen it before, heard it before or experienced it myself. I’ve been walking people through this journey alongside of myself for the last ten years.
This is not just self-care. This is SOUL CARE. Embracing ME gets to the root of WHY you have certain behavioral patterns and WHY you make certain choices. Going deep allows you to heal from the root rather than just change your outward behaviors.
Were there people and/or experiences you had in your childhood that you feel laid the foundation for your success?
I mean do you want me to talk about stuffing my bra again? Haha! 😂
No seriously, I believe that ultimately experiencing trauma and different painful experiences helped set me up early to decide whether I would overcome or live up to the lies I believed about myself.
I also think having a mother who openly talked about “taboo” subjects normalized it for me. Also, my stepfather came into my life which gave me an appreciation for what guides can do in your life.
Contact Info:
- Website: Embracingme.co
- Email: AmberStephensEM@gmail.com
- Instagram: Amber0 (that’s a zero)
- Facebook: AmberStephens0
Image Credit:
Alex D. Rogers
Meaghan Mayo
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