Today we’d like to introduce you to Amber Nicole Smiley.
Amber, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
Cleveland, raised me, Arizona made me, and Atlanta claims me. I am an Author, Actor, a Mother and a Life Coach. Today we’ll be covering Ms. Smiley, The Confi Life Coach!
I’ve always been curious about how people think and how the mind works. How different people go through the same experiences but end up with two totally different outcomes. As a kid my library checkouts were self-help books on audio tapes. Because of my research, I was always sought out for advice. So, I was always a life coach but didn’t know it.
In 2007 I experienced the loss of my Mother to Cancer. I became the go to person for people to literally sit on my couch, and I’d walk them through what they will experience in their “new normal”. I especially enjoyed doing this because while I remember the full support of my best friends, there was a hollowness in talking to them, because they had no idea what I was going though. There’s a dramatic difference between empathy and full understanding. Especially with such a life altering event. My words to people are now, “this is going to f***ing suck, and here’s what you can do along the way to cope…”, verse “I’m sorry for your loss” or my least favorite, “they’re here with you in spirit”. I started a support group on Facebook, called “Missing you Mom and Dad” so others wouldn’t feel so alone like I did.
While attempting to heal my relationship with my father, but having no success, I wrote a book called “A Father’s Gun” (which is available on Amazon). It’s for Fathers and Daughters, no matter their age, and covers how “daddy issues” are created, hardwired and then carried into adulthood relationships. The title is play on the scene in Bad Boys, where Will and Martin’s characters showed up to the door with the gun acting crazy for his daughter’s date. The truth is, you don’t have to intimidate the boy, you have to educate the girl! By doing so, she’ll always have her own figurative gun to protect herself. The Men who’ve read it tell me it made them rewrite their fathering plan.
After suffering from endometriosis for 19 years and noticing it getting increasingly worse, I DECIDED to enter into motherhood, unmarried at 30, with another mutually agreeing adult. However, it still didn’t stop the postpartum depression, and feeling I completely lost myself. I was shocked, no one walks you through WHAT REALLY HAPPENS, to your MIND, BODY, and SOUL, or your relationship with yourself when you become a Mother. I learned and teach, motherhood is an AND WITH COMMAS not an OR! And how THERE IS a way you can bumper, avoid and or process through PPD. Plus all the other lows and highs of motherhood, and how to bounce back better than before! I started another fun support group for moms or women who want to become moms, on Facebook called “Bad Moms Atlanta”. We have worldwide members and a lot of fun! Because again I felt unsupported and alone in that struggle. I wanted to create a safe place for moms to vent, ask question, and simply BE without judgement. It’s not for the weak or sensitive mommies!
Unfortunately, my daddy issues lead me into many toxic relationships with Narcissists over the years, and I’d never sought professional help after my Mother passed away. Even after experiencing an anxiety attack so bad, it left me paralyzed, terrified and alone on my living room floor. So, in 2019 I decided to see a therapist for myself, my daughter and for the sake of future healthy loving relationships. I knew I needed to rewire my brain’s incorrect hardwiring, taught by generations who didn’t know any better.
Being one of the 27.5 million American’s without health insurance, I had the hardest time finding an African American female therapist. One who wasn’t charging a price I simply couldn’t afford and one I felt comfortable with. I stumbled across an amazing psychology student getting her clinical hours, who will soon be known as Dr. Edil. She told me I had decently processed myself through a lot of my own issues, and she asked me had I ever considered becoming a therapist myself? I enjoy the fact she had a personality, and was a mother. I found that out because she was doing more than blinking at me in our sessions, and I felt understood. The laughter we had made for fun sessions, and quicker healing. When we were done, I decided to finalize my thought of becoming a life coach and I am certified in Trauma.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
Well, like a lot of business owners, Covid took a hit on my launch. Now I have clients who see me for the effects Covid has left. Like the loss of a parent, stress, depression, anxiety…
Alright – so let’s talk business. Tell us about Confi Life Coaching – what should we know?
I like to refer to myself as a “Mental Reorganizer” and I love my job! African Americans especially, but in a lot of cultures, seeking help when you’re struggling with life is frowned upon and filled with shamed. I tell people, especially men, “no one has to know you’re going but you!” Women are taught to keep pushing, even when we’re drowning. A lot of men are never even taught what emotions are, let alone how to properly deal with them. I find, men only are aware of two emotions, Anger and Content. Then, when people do seek help and it’s like talking to an emotionless wall, you really don’t want to do it again! So how do you heal?I get to have a personality with my clients! I’ll laugh and cry with them because I am human, and so are they. Theeeen, I’ll kick them in the a**! Yes, I curse and I’m not for everyone. But most importantly I give them homework and tools, to go back and take on life and their minds!
I encourage people to write down their story about why they are seeking mental help and make a first appointment with a few different providers if possible. Give them your story to read so you don’t have to keep telling it, especially if it’s emotional, and pick the one you vibe with the best.
I’ve been through a lot of interesting, life altering events, so I’m not shocked by much. I feel these are the things that make me a better coach. I’m that person who wants people to WIN! PERIOD! I really encourage people to find help from someone who’s been through some S***, not just through school! And someone who you enjoy talking to each session. Mental health help doesn’t have to be a silent room, with a ticking clock, and a seemingly cold person, blinking at you while taking notes. It can be one of the highlights of your week. And should be done as regularly as any other health check up! If not, more.
My coaching includes
Talk Sessions and advisement
Self Love and Healing
Parental Loss Adjustment
Teen/Family Coaching
Dating and Dating Evaluations
New Mom/New Parent Adjustment
Toxic Relationship Recovery
Relationship/Couples Coaching (Pre or Post Marital)
Any shoutouts? Who else deserves credit in this story – who has played a meaningful role?
Well I definitely have to thank all my friends who have been super supportive in many ways over the years. My tribe is so wonderful, and I am humbled by their love! Especially those who became clients and happily pay! Whether it was the loss of a parent, or coming to me before they ruined a good relationship to self-check. The soon to be Dr. Edil for letting me know I was onto something with my skills. My daughter who has no idea how much I love her and how much she motivates me. And my mother for whispering to me, “You were born to do great things”, and “there’s no such thing as can’t”!
Pricing:
- 1st Session $40.00 Until June 2021
Contact Info:
- Phone: 770-410-8863
- Email: ConfiLifeCoaching@gmail.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/ConfiLifeCoaching
- Facebook: www.fb.me/ConfiLifeCoaching
Image Credit:
ShotbyAnubis
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