Today we’d like to introduce you to Denise M Williams.
Hi Denise M, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
On Loving Myself
Somewhere years ago, I lost something inside of me and at the time, I had no idea how important it was, so I never bothered to look for it. Okay, the truth is I had no idea it was lost. I thought I had it and used it on a regular basis. Until one day, my world started to fade from vibrant colors to a grey haze and then into darkens where I resided for almost a year and then off and on for another seven years.
That darkness was depression but at the time, no one seemed to be able to tell me what I was suffering from. I worked like a maniac every day, many days fifteen plus hours a day. Then I would go home cry hysterically and stare down the barrel of a gun then curl up in the fetal position in the corner of my empty living room until it was time for me to go back to work. I never got any help, through the grace of God and a phone call to a good friend, I came out of that bout with depression. After that bout, I would still go in and out of the haze but never back into the complete darkness that I had experienced for almost a year.
During those years, I spent a lot of time reading self-help books, and the one thing that keep coming out of those books was one common theme…. Love Yourself! Wow, I thought I did! Or did I? What the hell, I realized that I had no idea what loving myself was or even looked like furthermore people never seemed to give up the “how-to” of loving yourself.
Well over the next couple of years, that included a major move, bankruptcy, the loss of my mother, a good therapist and ultimately becoming a mother to three foster kids (with some major issues) that finally brought me to the understanding that I was not loving myself.
I came to understand that no matter how often I got my nails, hair, and makeup done it did not mean that I was loving myself. It did not matter how much weight I lost, I was not loving myself. It did not matter how many organizations I belonged to, how many humanitarian acts I committed, even how much I prayed to God, I did not love me.
It was not until I was face to face with a child who had no love for herself that I could see things so clearly. I believe that everything that I had read, heard, and had experienced gave me the ability to interpret accurately for myself what was being reflected back to me by this troubled child that I was now caring for.
One morning I had to assist my child through something very difficult, and in talking with her I realized just how little love she had for herself. In trying to teach her, as well as encourage her to love herself, I was now face to face with the fact that, hell; I could not do it for myself.
Shortly thereafter, I had a breakdown one morning and in that breakdown, I had a beautiful breakthrough. In that moment, I found the ability to let go of all the wrong I had done to myself. In that moment, I learned to trust me again and most importantly, I could see the beautiful person that I was.
I realize now that the breakdown and ultimately the breakthrough that I had that morning was a culmination of many self-help projects all desperately trying to answer the questions of did I love myself and if not how to start.
I giggle oh so often now when I hear people say, girl, you need to love yourself. I think well God Dang it, tell em how. I have gone over the last few years of my life and I think what was the process and how did I get here because I sure need to give it away if I can, no need to re-invent the wheel!
And then I realized that to begin to love myself, I had to first forgive myself and trust myself, I remember my mother telling me this one day as we sat and talked. I know now my mother was trying her best to give me all the life lessons she could because her time was running out. Forgiving myself was by far the hardest and has taken the longest. You see, you first must be able to go back and determine where you have hurt yourself. This is a process that takes raw truth. But once you start, the flood gate will open and watch out.
Learning to trust yourself can be tricky because if you have not gotten to the place where you have learned to be honest with yourself then your trust can be built on untruths. But when you are honest and have forgiven yourself, you will learn that you are your own best friend (it’s the God that lives in you) and that you will never lead yourself wrong. How many times have you said to yourself I should have followed my first mind. Yep, you’re correct you should.
Looking at yourself through eyes that have forgiven and have become trusting will unveil a beauty that only comes from your soul. It’s what you came into this world with, and it is God-given which means it’s perfect because God can’t create anything less than that.
…When I learned to love myself, I eventually decided to leave an amazing lucrative career of 25+ years and go back to school and get my Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology. I wanted to create a safe space where black women could heal in a safe space, I wanted to create a different way of practicing therapy. I wanted something that would speak to black women, something that would help penetrate the stigma of therapy.
I knew that when black women gather in community and find a way to play, we feel better. I thought if I took these two elements and added some psychoeducation, I could create a different kind of healing space. Thus, Well-Play Counseling & Wellbeing Center was born, “Well-Play, Play for the Soul”.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
When I began my master’s program, I was also running my own business and managing the Forum in Inglewood, CA and that was tough because I was also a full-time single parent. Once I completed my degree, I had to obtain 3200 hours before I could sit for the licensing exam and most of the hours I gained were done in a non-profit so I was making very little money. I continued to work in the live event business but often worked 18 -20 hour days while working on my hours. This made it difficult at times but I was able to complete my hours. The truth is many people (especially of color) don’t have the opportunity to complete hours because they can’t afford it.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your business?
We have five main departments in Well-Play Counseling & Wellbeing Center and currently have two operational. We have the counseling division and Well-Play University currently operational.
The counseling center is focused on women of color and currently sees our clients virtually.
Well-Play University is a collection of Social-Wellness events/classes. Well-Play defines Social-Wellness as a social gathering + play infused with mental health education. Understanding that people have a need to belong, be supported, and have a sense of purpose is one reason why Well-Play sees the social aspect as so important. The study of Black/African Center Psychology recognizes the interconnectedness of all things in the universe and that the collective is greater than the individual. It is from this place; Well-Play believes that individuals working collectively together to heal from mental illness will also move the community to a place of wellbeing. History has taught us that when we come together, we can move what seems impossible to possible.
Well-Play University will work with organizations, companies, faith-based organizations to customize events/classes that will engage and inform the community on a variety of mental health topics as well as alternative healing modalities, creating more of a holistic approach to wellness. Holistic healing has been around for centuries and used by people all over the world. As the medical field learns more about the impact of trauma on the body, these modalities are again becoming more popular. As a psychotherapist who sits with people daily who are experiencing trauma, I came to understand quickly that talk therapy was not going to be enough; people need a way to relieve their body of the trauma as well. Well-Play University will allow me to integrate holistic healing and sound mental health education at a reasonable rate for women of color in a social environment that is culturally inclusive. Think of it as bridging the gap because often individuals of color can not afford therapy or can not find a culturally competent therapist.
Participants will have an opportunity to:
● Learn evidence-based tools and techniques to lessen common symptoms of mental illness.
● Learn integrative approaches to heal symptoms in their body.
● Connect with others who are working through their healing processes.
● Become part of a collective of individuals healing.
● Participate in cost-effective mental health classes.
How do you define success?
Success for me is being able to live a lifestyle of self-care. This means I no longer have to put my mental, physical, spiritual wellbeing in jeopardy. It means that I can choose my wellbeing first as opposed to working a toxic job, spending time with toxic people or letting my spiritual health go. Success is showing up for my family and friends whole, complete, and well.
Pricing:
- Therapy ranges from $125 – $200
- Well-Play University starts at apx. $40 per person per class, depending
Contact Info:
- Email: dwilliams@well-play.com
- Website: www.well-play.com
- Instagram: wellplaywellbeing
- Facebook: Well-Play Counseling & Wellbeing Center
