Meet Alyssia McCloud of unLYSHed in Metro

Today we’d like to introduce you to Alyssia McCloud.

So, before we jump into specific questions, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
My story? Wow. Do I start with the solid foundation in faith and love provided by my parents and family? Or do I fast-forward to the beginning of unLYSHed – the writing of spoken word in an attempt to create a means of escape from my inner storm.. an outlet for sharing my transgressions and testimony by way of hidden exposure? When I tell my story, should I include my fall away from my teachings, and the warped idea that I was meant to meet the expectations of all of those around me – how conforming to become what others wanted me to become built a cage in which my true self was to be trapped? If I tell my story, I would have to tell you that there have been pages filled with indescribable bliss – where my loved ones smothered me in affection and support; when I was blessed in unbelievable ways; when I was appointed to positions I never fathomed I would hold, and when my faith was unmoved. If I tell my story, I would have to include the sections written in confusion; where emotional abuse reshaped my idea of myself, and changed my thinking for the worse; where my belief in God and the guidelines for my existence as a result of that belief were challenged by hardship, unjust treatment, and the desperate search for God, Who at that time I could not hear or feel – and so I became weak. and ashamed. Ashamed of the bruises from the broken relationships, and the pitiful remnants of my faith. Of my inability to speak for myself. Of my failure at producing as a leader. I was ashamed because I felt powerless. I was ashamed because I was afraid of escaping the cage. Except for in my writing. Thank God for the part of the story that includes my writing. It was the piece of my actualized self that relentlessly fought for and described my freedom.

The longer I spent in my writing, the greater, brighter, and stronger the light within me became. I thought to myself – my God expects me to love and cling to Him no matter what comes my way; His expectation is not for me to be unblemished, but for me to fight for Him.. everyday. And I wondered – “why can’t I have the same expectation of myself?” then came the unLYSH-ing. To choose God. and to choose myself. As I was. And as I was, I was worthy of love. Protection. Safety. &Forgiveness. God’s; my own – and then that of others. I realized that despite my circumstances and shortcomings, my fear and discontentment, my guilt, my shame, &my existence in that cage, I was still – worthy. With all my parts. Because God said so. And then I saw the potential for a movement. I wondered how many others, in an attempt to be the desired woman, lover, daughter, friend, leader, Christian – were working tirelessly to fit into the cage of expectation, that they were sacrificing pieces of themselves that were deserving of love and affection.. how many were suffocating when their world took an unexpected hit and the resources to survive had no room in that stifling cage? How many had stopped fighting for their inner lights? How many needed a reminder of how to love and what to love about themselves? I knew I could be the one who provided that reminder, because of how badly I needed it.

And now I understand that every experience of my life has led me here – to the place of true contentment, the deepest level of self-love and acceptance, and constant self-discovery; to the journey to meet the expectations of the only One Who matters, prepared for failure and for the receipt of the grace He gives to lift me when I fall. Because I will fall. But if He has searched me and known me; discerns my thoughts and is acquainted with all my ways and still loves me in His eminent perfection, I would vow to try everyday to see myself through His eyes. And to operate in service to Him, to love myself and demand honest, healing love in return because He says that I am worthy. And that is enough. When I reached that understanding and made that commitment, I felt chains drop – stepped out of my pit with grace as my covering, turned my face to the sunlight, and I never revisited that cage. Then, there she was – there I was. As unLYSHed.

Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
I’ve found that the journey to self-discovery is never complete – and if you are constantly dissecting yourself and finding new parts to develop and give attention, you should also be producing a constant effort to give yourself love, even when you find things within yourself that you’re discontent with or that are unsettling – unLYSHing is not being broken for being imperfect, but rather carrying the imperfections without shame; until they are transformed into testimonies of victory. It’s refusing to accept the identities that others attempt to place on us & the bad habits we create from broken spaces, but rather defining ourselves for ourselves with validation that comes from our Creator. Grasping those concepts is a challenge in itself – how to love the parts of ourselves we’re afraid of, or want to change; even looking at our scars and past mistakes, or reflecting on the power once given up to others who mishandled our hearts, & not feeling guilty or unworthy of healthy love – and then there’s the feeling of being unsteady, coming from wanting these great changes and not knowing *how to fight for them. and even confronting the fact that old habits die hard! it’s tough. For me, I struggled with growing back to a place of self-love. I wanted to beat myself up with, “this was your fault, you asked for this,” “you should have known better,” and “no one will ever love and accept you this way.” I used to tell myself that it was too late and that I was only deserving of the least of these that I desired. And that just wasn’t true.

I owed myself an apology. I needed my own heart to forgive me – for allowing it and my body to be abused, for limiting my creativity, for convincing myself that I as I am was not enough or that God’s unthinkable and unimaginable blessings weren’t for a woman like me. I had to practice – I started with breathing through the anxieties that tried to haunt me, then digging to my core to become reconnected with myself, from whence I worked back to my hands so that I could create; then to my voice so that I could vocalize what I needed and what I would no longer allow; and then to my eyes, so I could rediscover my beauty, and accept with a warmness who would look back at me. Even then, the damage that was done was *still mine to love, because even that was a part of me. & truth be told, I *still fumble on my journey. still fall down trying to move forward. but that’s where grace comes in & is so beautiful – the room God gives for correction & the hand I need to pick me up, dust me off and hold me while I find my footing – then grace accompanies me; and I keep. going. No matter what comes, I know I can never go backward – I just have to embrace what I become until it becomes better. And continue to commit myself to loving myself as I grow. That is a job for sure that takes effort and dedication everyday – but the benefits are certainly worth the work.

Please tell us about unLYSHed.
unLYSHed is now a platform for me to use my truth as a means to encourage, uplift, and inspire those around me to sip from the same cup of grace, self-love, self-discovery, and freedom. I unLYSH my perspective, my desires, my transgressions, my fears, my hopes, my faith – really any and everything that has space in my heart – through my poetry, and that brings a unique element to what is in me to do to continue to break down my own walls and pour into those who will listen. I am just starting to perform my poetry and that is ridiculously liberating, but unLYSHed is going to the next level through motivational speaking. unLYSHed is my testimony, but it applies to all of God’s children –  unLYSHed is for the broken-hearted, the defeated, the lost; those struggling to find the sunlight, and those who need to be reminded of who they are and what they deserve. I want to share the steps God walked me through to get and remain in this space from whence I can continue sharing His truth through my truth to the world. I’m preparing to do my first workshop and I am extremely excited. I have been in prayer about this for sometime, and I am in awe at how God brings things into fruition. I can say that I am proud of myself for not fighting against God when He made the move to elevate me – for believing Him when He said that I had what it took to approach this mission and that it was mine alone to complete. Proud of myself for having the courage to leave the cage from which He freed me. For choosing to turn my face to the sunlight. For breathing. For digging. I’m proud that I am now unLYSHed.

If you had to go back in time and start over, would you have done anything differently?
If I had been asked this two years ago, I may have given a list! But today, my story as it is gives me purpose, and I love it. Every page, every word, every smudge, every blemish. And the fact that there is more to write – especially the fact that there is more to write. Nothing I did, have done or have allowed, took my life, which means I have an opportunity – to reintroduce myself. to keep growing, learning, evolving. unLYSHing. I am content with being just who I am. Grateful that there’s even a story to tell.