Today we’d like to introduce you to Darius Caffey.
Darius, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am today if it wasn’t for my past experiences. Growing up on the south side of Chicago taught me how to always be three things in life: Resilient, Resourceful, and Real. Being a child in a big city, you’re able to see all of the possibilities that are out there for you and you begin to develop tangible dreams for what your future could be. However, growing up as a Black, queer boy almost made those dreams feel impossible.
I’ve always known that I wanted to do more and to be more in life. It just took me getting knocked down and redirected a few times to realize what that more was. Throughout my childhood, I always battled with who I was and what I truly wanted to be because of my sexuality. Not that it was a bad experience to go through, but it was harder due to me being afraid that I would be punished or ridiculed. As loving and supportive as my family or any family is, they will never understand the anxiety that develops for queer folk, especially in the Black community, as we begin to understand and want to live in our truth. Black, queer folk experience heightened levels of discrimination, trauma, and abuse that have led to us finding our own sense of protection “in the closet”.
So, instead of living in my gayness, I co-existed as someone else. I guess I didn’t have the courage to have control over my life that way back then, so I found other ways to do it. In high school, I began to consume myself with getting good grades, sports & clubs, and relationships (with friends and lovers). Anything that I could do to take my focus off of the most important thing that needed attention and support: myself.
It wasn’t until I was about to graduate from college that I decided that it was time to finally begin telling my own story. After reflecting on my own upbringing, I realized that my true passion and purpose is to ensure that Black children receive adequate education, experiences, and love. It’s to make sure that those future leaders of our communities are well taken care of so that they become better adults than we are. So that they feel empowered in who they are and are given the tools to express it. So that they, and we as people, can live in a better world.
I’m not all the way where I need to be, but I am dedicated to the journey of getting there. I’ve overcome a lot of situations where I felt that I would never be enough. But each time I gain a little more hope because I know what I’ve made it through. I’ve survived through moments where I didn’t have enough to make it. But now I know to “Start where you are. Use what you have. And do what you can (Arthur Ashe)”. And most importantly, I used to force myself to be someone who I wasn’t. But after going through experiences where I’ve found support, have received love, and was allowed space to truly be free, I didn’t have to force myself anymore. I could finally be real. I could finally be me.
Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
I wouldn’t say that things have been easy for me, but I also know that others have had it much worse than I did. I’ve grown up in poor situations. I’ve gone through and lost loved ones to violence. I’ve been “outted” for being gay. I’ve spent years unhappy living for others because I didn’t have the courage to let my own voice be heard.
But I made it out. As hard as things may get for me, I know that I am in a more privileged position than a lot of my family and friends. I had to find the courage to take risks not just for myself but for them as well. I’m still finding it. And with everything that I do, I want to be able to help others find their courage as well to overcome their situations. To learn from each other’s obstacles how to be more resilient, resourceful, and real. How to embrace these things for exactly what they are in our story; challenges. Things that make us stronger, wiser, and unique.
We’d love to hear more about your work.
Currently, I am enrolled as a graduate student at the University of Missouri-Columbia in the Truman School of Public Affairs. After serving as a College Adviser for the Missouri College Advising Corps, I realized that I wanted to help make an impact on a larger audience. By diving in education policy and college access, my career plans are to help get more Black students in post-secondary educational and training spaces. In addition to that, I have found other ways to express myself more creatively.
After graduating from college, I was able to find various opportunities in Kansas City, MO, to finally begin my modeling portfolio. I did a practice shoot years prior with local Chicago photographer, Felton Kizer, but had no idea what I was doing. Luckily, he gave me some tips that I was able to use once I was able to get in front of the camera more often. As a freelance model still figuring life out, I truly do owe it to Muenfa, and the other photographers that I’ve worked with, which gave me the opportunity to both live out my dream and help piece theirs together.
Another of my dreams has always been to be a motivational speaker or to give a TEDx talk. I haven’t yet reached that point, but I have begun to put my voice out there by starting a podcast with one of my good friends. Each episode of A Dab of Life, we open up about our experiences, thoughts, and feelings about different subjects. Whether it be about figuring out who we are or understanding our assorted relationships, we wanted to find ways to relate to others who are figuring out what being an adult looks like.
As someone still figuring themselves out, I figured that the only way to do that is to reflect, explore, and share who you are. This is why I created The Closet Unlocked. It is a blog platform for Black, queer folks to anonymously share their stories of being “in the closet”. The purpose is to highlight the strength of that journey instead of the negative and to show others that they are not alone in their experiences. This will hopefully bring more awareness to the journey that black queer folks experience while being in the closet. When a person comes out, they are celebrated for making such a brave and strong decision. However, we rarely show recognition to the strength that queer people, especially youth, have during the moments before. Instead, the closet has been looked at as a negative thing for both our community and the public. My goal is to help change that narrative.
One thing that I always try to do is bring out the best in people and to help them better understand their issues. Whether it is internally or externally, all of us have something to give. We all have something that makes us different and that can ignite change. We just have to figure out how to use it. And the best way to figure that out is to use it.
What moment in your career do you look back most fondly on?
I have had some uplifting moments in my career, but very few that have brought me immense joy. For me, the proudest moment that I have had was receiving responses to the anonymous survey for my blog. I designed the blog to be more than just about me, and at that moment, I truly felt it. It was the affirmation that I needed to keep going knowing that there were others who read my intimate stories of growing up Black, queer, and in the closet. That there were others, who seen the importance of this initiative and wanted to share their stories. That there was someone else who believes in my dream to rewrite the narrative for our community. As small as it may seem, those survey responses made me the happiest that I have been in a while because it validated my purpose. I have been searching for ways to use my experiences, my passion for writing, my research skills, my voice of advocacy, and my authentic intersectional identities. This is my way. I am finally living in a moment where I am proud of the person that I’ve become and am excited to see what the future holds for me.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://medium.com/the-closet-unlocked
- Email: mr_caffey@yahoo.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dab.oflifepodcast/ ; https://www.instagram.com/theclosetunlocked/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/DabOfLifePod
- Other: https://linktr.ee/dariuscaffey
Image Credit:
Muenfa, Steven Austin, Kwesi, Jessica Jecker
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