Today we’d like to introduce you to Ryan Lee.
Hi Ryan, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
I’m a rising autism advocate. I was diagnosed with autism when I was 3 years old. I wasn’t told about my diagnosis until I was 14 years old. Even before I knew I was diagnosed, I always knew I was different, feeling like an oddball among my peers. I was always wondering why I couldn’t be accepted or why I couldn’t fit in. I did speech therapy classes in elementary school. Teachers told my parents to put me in special ed but they refused to prove that I can succeed like everyone else. Everyone learns at their own pace, after all. It took me a long time but I learned to accept my autism and aimed to make a difference in the autism community. I’ve also unlocked my gift in writing poetry to help with my advocacy. Meeting new people, especially those on the spectrum really helps along the way. I’ve written articles for Autism Speaks and went on Special Books By Special Kids, a great YouTube channel run by a really cool guy Chris Ulmer. Eventually, in my support group called Spectrum run by a great advocate Claire Dees, I was nominated for Best Young Community Advocate in the Golden Globes Awards.
Winning the award for Best Young Community Advocate felt really good. I’ve also been on a few podcasts here and there on a couple of other programs trying to spread my message. I’m also in this great program Tomorrow’s Leaders through the Arc of Georgia also aiming to make a difference. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know I will take it on. Overall, I’m proud to be who I am. I’m adventurous, curious and not afraid to take risks. I recently went skydiving for the first time and showed the entire world that even an autistic like myself can take chances without extreme problems. Don’t be afraid to open up and share who you really are. We are more than just labels. I have fantastic things to offer and have great passion. I know I’m quirky and different, but not less. I may be rough around the edges, but I’m very loyal, inviting and try to be helpful when people need me and always try to brighten people’s days even if it’s not in the best way sometimes. Once you fully get to know me, you’ll see that I can be a very good friend.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
It hasn’t really been a smooth road. Back then, during middle school and most of high school, being ashamed of my autism I felt so angry, depressed, confused, impatient and isolated. At times, I expressed it so intensely that I started hurting people physically and mentally. I even started breaking rules. For a long time, I tried really hard to fit in and hide my autism by observing what other people were doing. I literally tried to fit into their world and be like them, seeking approval and the attention of others, but later on, I reasoned with myself and realized that I can’t be and think like everyone else. It was easy for me to love others but I didn’t love myself. The “r-word” ( retard and being called it) made my blood boil so much and sometimes caused me to be vengeful. There have been few who crossed the line with me by calling me the r-word one too many times.
There were times when I was taken advantage of as well and laughed at. There are some who would take advantage of an autistic’s desire to have friends and then stab them in the back. For example, they could pretend to like you and then when you do something out of the ordinary, they’ll make sure other people will see it somehow, and the autistic will be made fun of and bullied. I’ve had friends who experienced this, even myself. First impressions aren’t always my strength, but that doesn’t stop me from trying hard. Because of things like aggression, meltdowns, or hugging impulses for example, some people view autism as a source of annoyance, disappointment, or worse in different ways and to different degrees. We autistics shouldn’t feel the need to hide anything. Some of us may look different or act different, but we still have feelings just like anybody else. For example, I may get a bit irritated when I get interrupted or when someone doesn’t let me finish speaking, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about people. I’m also not afraid to admit I’m a big hugger.
There’s also a big fuss about personal space one way or the other and that doesn’t necessarily mean an autistic is trying to hurt anybody. We don’t always understand the rules of how far away to stand or when to stop talking or asking questions. Some just don’t listen even when you don’t mean to hurt anybody. Everyone gets upset sometimes and there needs to be more tolerance. There is also the myth that autistics don’t feel or show empathy. We can show empathy, it can be just in a different way. We might not detect an emotion based on one’s body language or one’s tone of voice right away, but if only people would be more direct with how they are feeling, then it would be much more likely for us to get it. Empathy just doesn’t come as naturally to us as most neurotypicals. I used to be called weird all the time and sometimes still am. Just because I can be a little weird doesn’t make me less human. In fact, weird can be a good thing. We should be exposed to a lot of differences. Here’s the thing, we might not all look the same or act the same, but we feel the same feelings, like happiness, sadness, disappointment and hope. If that’s the case, then why can’t we get along? You know how people go by first impression a lot? Well they can often be entirely wrong. People who barely know me sometimes assume the worst and that’s not fair. It’s not fair to judge someone before you truly know them, especially if they’re different.
I’ve struggled connecting with people over the years and sometimes I still do, even when I’m just trying to be open and honest. When I’m trying to make conversation, comment or make a joke, sometimes it’s offending to someone and I don’t even know it. Sometimes I feel like I can’t trust my own mind or body. It’s like I’m usually so in control and the next minute, I’m just not. It’s like my brain just tells me to do stuff and it feels right to me. There are few who have rejected me hard because of it. Rejection hurts pretty bad. Feelings can be interesting and painful, but you can’t deny that you feel feelings because then you’ll just end up feeling worse. Feelings can be overwhelming, but I can get through them if I’m just honest with myself. So if anything happens to me again, like being rejected because of one mistake, which I really hope doesn’t but it’s still likely that it will, I’ll be okay. I’m also lucky to have good friends I can confide in because they listen and are accepting. I also struggle with change. There are also some autistics who aren’t totally open to change and know you have to act a certain way in order to be accepted into society. And this can be tough on us. Society can force those of us who are different to hide or “mask” their autism. That’s not how it should work though, at least not in any way that’s healthy. When you’re accepting to be someone’s friend, you should accept and try to understand all aspects of the person. Some people just don’t understand what’s it like to be autistic. They assume the worst about us autistics, like we’re stalkers, violent and other stereotypes even when we just want to be friends. They always assume we’re in the wrong and it hurts a lot and is infuriating. They should get to know us for who we are, not how we act and not judge us on the outside. Being stereotyped as a stalker is one of the hardest things with having autism. For example, we see something on Instagram or Facebook and just want to be part of it and get blocked. Feeling left out is harder for us on the spectrum. Not many catch onto that. Some people just don’t understand what’s it like to be autistic. They assume the worst about us autistics, like we’re stalkers, violent and other stereotypes even when we just want to be friends. They always assume we’re in the wrong and it hurts a lot and is infuriating. They should get to know us for who we are, not how we act and not judge us on the outside. Being stereotyped as a stalker is one of the hardest things with having autism. For example, we see something on Instagram or Facebook and just want to be part of it and get blocked. Feeling left out is harder for us on the spectrum. Not many catch onto that. Regardless of those on the spectrum like myself seeing and thinking things differently, especially when it comes to social cues, we are still human and capable of having thoughts, feelings and emotions like anybody else. If we work hard to build a more inclusive community, we can make the world a better place.
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I love to write poetry. Putting my thoughts, emotions and soul into them is what sets them apart from others sometimes. I write to advocate for autism and express myself at the same time. I have them on my website.
Any advice for finding a mentor or networking in general?
Finding a mentor is not easy, but hope it can be someone you share a connection with and someone who will understand you and listen. I found a couple mentors through my support groups I go to. If I’ve learned anything it’s that there are billions of people in this world and billions of stories for you to hear. Everyone has a history, a present, and a future. If you take the time to listen to other stories, you might find a connection with someone you’ve never imagined and if you find the courage to share your own story, you might find a companion that will support you for the rest of your life. You never know who has been through a similar situation as you and what comfort they can offer you.
Contact Info:
- Email: ryanalee@bellsouth.net
- Website: https://ryansheart.wordpress.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rymar101/?hl=en
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Rymarlee
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/Rymar101
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_wMd864zy2qK2NgCeoKuzQ, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ko5gyFwtf8&t=36s
