Inspiring Conversations with Lisa of BELIEVE IN THE PROCESS COUNSELING SERVICES

Today we’d like to introduce you to Lisa.

Hi Lisa, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
My life started pretty chaotic growing up in an abusive home with an alcoholic mother and a passive father. This caused me to leave at the age of 13. At that time, I became involved in drugs, prostitution, and basically a life riddled with addiction by the time I was 17 years old. I was dependent on crack, and by the time I was 19 years old, I had four children. By the time I was 21, I was “speedballing,” mixing heroin and cocaine for IV use. By the age of 26, I was incarcerated for the third time. While in jail, the turning point came when I cried out, “God, I don’t even know if you’re real. But if you are, make yourself real to me and change my life.” I believe that started the journey that led me to where I am today. If I recall correctly, three days later, I was released from Dauphin County prison and went to my first Narcotics Anonymous meeting (NA).

Ben took me to my first NA meeting. Now that I am reflecting, this was a full-circle moment. Ben and I’s relationship began in a mess of chaos. I was 18, and he was 31 and the local “weed dealer” in our neighborhood. I was 2 months pregnant with my third child from a man whom I had recently left (2 weeks ago), because of domestic violence. Ben was my refuge from that violence. He provided shelter, stability, and accepted me. I believe that was all I wanted: to be seen, heard, and acknowledged as a human being, that I was worth love. I now understand that I was looking for a father, someone to shelter me from the choices that I was making. However, the full circle moment, just in case you missed it. Ben started in my life as the neighborhood weed dealer, in him making an amends (8th and 9th steps, NA). He took me to my first NA meetings. This was the beginning stage of Separation: Sorting through the chaos to identify what is essential versus what is superficial, separating the soul from limiting influences. The third stage of the seven stages of spiritual alchemy, which represents a profound process of inner transformation aimed at purifying the soul and achieving enlightenment. Another word for “achieving enlightenment” for me is healing, or I am asking to be healed.”

It still makes me sad that Ben is not here to share and partake of the life that we dreamed of together. But I am grateful that he contributed to my journey. Something that I have not said in a while is, “80% of who I am today is because of Benjamin Joseph Ravenel, Jr. I honor him, and the legacy he’s left me with our children and our grandchildren. Even in this moment, I can feel his presence with me. He is and will always be my Spirit Flame, whom I call. The one who introduced me to the Saving Power of God, Ben, lived love in front of me. I learned Grace, compassion, and forgiveness. He introduced me to the throne of God.

Ben passed away 20 years ago, and we divorced before he died. Two years after our divorce, he passed away. Some of our friends, who knew us and love us, said to me, “I think God allowed the divorce, because if Ben had died while we were still together, I might have lost my mind and relapsed. I don’t know how much truth to that is, the relapse part. But my life would have been a whirlwind.

After being released from the County jail at 26, I had a 9th-grade education, and just started my journey of recovery. I went back to school at age 28 and received a GED in three months. My GED tutor was impressed with my fast-paced progress and encouraged me to attend community college. I said to her, “I can’t, I’m not that smart.” She assisted with getting me enrolled in Harrisburg Area Community College. I graduated in 2000 with an AA degree in human services. My goal was to become an addiction counselor. I wanted to give back to the society that I had robbed, once again, my 8th and 9th steps of NA.

In 2001, I believed Ben and I moved to Oklahoma. He was attending RHEAMA Bible Training Center, and I was attending Oral Roberts University. I was pursuing my bachelor’s in Christian Care and Counseling. However, once he completed his studies, we moved back to Harrisburg to support his family with the ministry. Upon returning to Harrisburg, I enrolled in Penn State University. I gained a BS in criminal justice.

By the time I got to Penn State, I was beginning to learn about the workforce in the substance misuse field. Back then, you did not need a degree to counsel others. If you have lived experience and some form of criminal background tied to substance misuse, you could be a substance abuse counselor. I also noticed that the criminal justice system is beginning to merge with the substance misuse field. I was employed at a 90-inpatient treatment facility as a house manager. I help people who were released from prison and are entering long-term residential treatment. These were the same people with whom I had used drugs and committed crimes. But now they see me, and I am in recovery, I attend meetings, and I am sharing my story in different areas on the East Coast. I am living the NA program in real time, and I am becoming a productive member of society. People are asking for my advice, seeking assistance with people getting into treatment. I am and have become a living, breathing example of what recovery looks like.

I’ve established myself with the community, and the only person who was not willing to see my success was my mother. Every time she discussed my name, all she could say was, “You know Lisa’s out there on those drugs.” She could never see past Lisa the addict, even when I reached 15 years clean. It was at that time that I decided she no longer had a voice in life. I called that liberation day, because that is the day she lost all of her power over me. I realized in that moment of her comments that I could trust myself and my voice. I stopped believing her trauma voice on that day!

My mother and I had always had a tumultuous. After giving birth to my first daughter and third child while under the influence of cocaine/crack. I walked out of the hospital 24 hours after having a C-section to go back to the crack house. I remember the hospital and my family looking for me. I believe 24 hours later, I showed back up at the hospital. My mom and dad were angry, but in that moment, all I wanted was to get high. The drug craving was so strong back then. It was something that you could not just ignore. Your body screamed for more, and you’d better comply because there was hell to pay if you didn’t.

I did ask my mother to take my daughter upon discharge from the hospital. She did, and she raised her. She also assisted with raising my two sons, Steven and James. I remember the day that I lost my boys, Steven and James, to child welfare services. I had left them with an Aunt, who lived in the projects. I had asked her to watch them overnight. I did not return to pick up my sons until Monday; I had dropped them off on a Friday night. By the time I had returned, she informed me that family services had taken the children, and the police were looking for me. I believe this was the beginning of a change for me. It got worse before it got better. After losing the children, that is when I turned to heroin and cocaine and began to speedball. I did not want to feel the pain or look at the life that I had created for myself and for the children. Though Ben was still alive at this time, he was dealing with his own addiction, and it had gotten pretty bad after I introduced him to crack.

In looking at the other side of this coin, this was when these events in my life began to lead me to healing. My probation officer locked me up for the third time. Upon my release, I did everything to get my children back with the help of child services, family members who were willing to take the children and raise them until I could learn how to be a mother. By the time I had two years of recovery, I had all of my children back except Shana, the one I gave to my mother as a result of my substance use. My mother lied, and manipulated my daughter, and told her I didn’t want her, and that I had chosen drugs over her. Can you imagine having a young child hear this throughout her life?

This battle proceeded into the legal system, with the result of my mother and my father gaining full custody of my daughter, Shana. I remember crying the whole way back to Harrisburg that day. Feeling defeated and punished for being a drug addict. At that time, I believe that I had about nine years in recovery, but that didn’t matter to the judge or my family. I had no fucking idea what I was doing and what I was getting into when I began my addiction; nobody does. But that is how my cards played out, and every day I live in complete regret and numbness about this topic. Today, as I am sitting here, I believe this is the only topic in my life that I have not worked through or learned how to accept. I remain numb, so I don’t feel the pain. After many years, it does dull down. I love my children always wondered why God gave them to me. Reflecting on it at this moment, they were my anchor, my salvation that kept me living, without them knowing, I couldn’t drown because they needed me.

In 2006, I moved to Florida, and in 2007, I moved to Georgia. In 2008, I became certified as a substance abuse counselor in the state of Georgia. My career led me to medication-assisted treatment. This is where I learned about medication management. I was self-taught on how to provide treatment to women who are pregnant and dependent on opioids. I started speaking at conferences like the Alabama School of Alcohol and Other Drugs and the Georgia School of Addiction Studies. I am committed to educating people about MOUD treatment and the benefits it provides for persons who suffer from opioids. I passionately engaged myself in this modality, and I want to learn everything about it. Even though I came from an abstinence-based program, NA. This modality provided alternatives for people who could not stop using Opioids on their own. This was probably the shaping and molding of my skills and talents. I did not understand that back then, but I can see it today. Every opportunity that I could get, I was traveling and speaking in the South to different providers about MOUD and how it was saving lives and giving people another chance at life. I believed in this modality, I focused a lot of my attention, and I had a strong desire to learn how to treat women who were pregnant and yet dependent upon opioids whether it be heroin prescription fentanyl how could we effectively treat these women and still provide them with the grace and the dignity that they deserve not because of the choices they’ve made but because they’re just a human being. I knew it was effective, and I saw it every day; people’s lives were changing for the better.

This passion that was burning inside of me at the time, I did not know it was my purpose calling me. I was beginning to see the value of what I brought to the table with my career. I also noticed that I had capped out with career movement. I did have a BS in CRMJ and was certified in SUD, but the industry was changing and demanding more professional credentials. I started looking and gathering information about licensure and what I would need to obtain my license to practice as a clinician. I was faced with leaving the industry or going back to school at the age of 53. At this time, I have close to 17 years of experience in the field. Employers were making money off of my skills and paying me pennies on the dollar. Five years ago, someone tried to pay me $15 hours, I laughed and set my own rate. It was in that moment that I realized my worth and what I was sitting at the table with.

But when I went back to school to gain my Master’s degree, my employer at the time said. “Why would you do that? You don’t need a degree, you’re just wasting money”. I started with that company in December 2014, and it was July 11, 2019, when I started school. That comment made me feel like they had a long-term plan for my career, but it was never discussed with me. Though I would have supported their company, there was something on the inside of me saying this is not your path, find your own.”

I was afraid to begin a Master’s program; I never thought that I could type a paper or communicate my thoughts in an organized way. But I took the jump, I risked it all, signed up for my degree, and because of student loans, I paid out of my pocket over $45.000 for a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health and Counseling. My husband did assist once with a payment of $1000, and he paid my last tuition payment of $2100, but overall, I did it myself. One of my greatest accomplishments. I am so proud of myself; it has been the best investment that I have made into myself.

As school was starting in 2019, I started getting these signs or messages from God/The Universe. “Trust the Process,” I would always say to my clients, “trust the process, the process has taken care of you up until this point, allow it to carry you the rest of the way.” This is my life in one sentence, and out of those words was born “Believe in the Process Counseling Services, LLC.” When I registered for my LLC, I learned that I could not use the name “TRUST” because of the banking system, so trust became “BELIEVE” IN THE PROCESS. That’s my baby! That is her, and she is wonderful, and I love her, because it took 58 years for her to get here, and now she is, and I sit in complete awe of her EVERY DAY!

Believe in the Process or “BELEIVE” as my staff, and I call her, was born out of my life journey with therapy. I believe that I was about 12 or 13 when I went to my first therapy session with my mom and dad. I remember the day so clearly, my family is sitting in front of the white counselor. Now, my mom had cleaned white people’s houses most of her life. So imagine what she said to me when we left and got into the car…hahahahah. It wasn’t funny back then, but dang, I got her good, because I caused my mom to face her racism, but neither of us knew what was happening at the time.

My next journey with therapy was with a young therapist, I believe she was new and just out of school. She taught me about abuse and how it manifests in people’s lives. Did you know that most people do not even know they are being abused? I learned that from this therapist. As I shared story after story, my mom jammed a fork into my hand when I was sitting next to her at the dining room table, and I said something, I don’t remember what. But I do remember the fork sticking out of my hand. My dad just said, “Marie, look at what you have done, what are you doing?” But he never stopped her abuse. Or the day I watched her pick my older sister up and slam her into the living room glass table, the glass went everywhere. I was around 11 or 12, and I was in complete disbelief. We were all scared of her; she used to say to us after she beat us or humiliated us, “If you feel froggy, leap, come on over here and see what happens to you”. In my mind, if I could have found the courage, I would have, but I was a child; what was I going to really do? The last memory that sticks out to me, I ran away from home, and when they found me, she kicked me in my “who ha”, and said, I wouldn’t be shocked if you were out there #$%@&*^% your dad.” I was 12 when she said this to me. I hadn’t lost my virginity yet.

But the one therapist that stood out the most was Ms. Jan. Ms. Jan was an old white woman from Pennsylvania. It looked like she should have been retired; she looked to be about 80 years old when she was my therapist. Ms. Jan was the first time I felt and experienced real compassion from another human being. Ms. Jan created a space of healing for me, she reassured me that I would be ok in the end, and she imparted to me a belief that I was better than my experiences. Ms. Jan gave me hope for a brighter future, but she told me that I would have to do the work. I did, and here I sit today as a result of the work in therapy, so yes, I do believe in the process; it has taken care of me, and I will continue to allow it to care for me. That is how Believe was born through my journey. It was not just a journey of pain, but one of healing and self-discovery. I have learned how to parent, mother, communicate, advocate, and celebrate myself and my success.

Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
In reference to this question. One struggle stands out to me, and that has plagued my life and haunted me. Over the last 18 months or two years, I have become more acceptable. I have surrendered. I do not feel the fight in me anymore to seek attention or approval from anyone.

I was born on July 11th, 1967. My mother was fifteen, and my father was 16 years old. He was the high school basketball captain, extremely popular within their area, and she was fascinated by him, along with other young girls within their school. When my mom got pregnant, her dad was a young Baptist Deacon in the church, and her mother was so conservative that the thought of their daughter, at 15 years old in a small rural town, being pregnant now, she would disgrace the family. They sent my mom to Philadelphia to a girl’s home where she gave birth to me, and after giving birth, her parents picked her up and took her home. She went back to school, church, and her life. I was left to start a journey without her that would evolve my existence and life journey to who I am today.

The adoption was agreed, I believe. There was no transition, like going to foster care or staying at the all-girls home for weeks and months. There was a family that had wanted other children. So, I am assuming right after my mom left, my adopted family came and picked me up, that was the family with which I was raised.

In my mind, or the way that my trauma likes to tell me the story is. Once I was born, I was placed in a bassinet in a room all by myself, waiting for someone to come to pick me up. To take me, to hold me, to love me, to look at me, to touch me, like all newborns are touched. But I was just in this waiting pattern, and it is so dark and gloomy there, and it is cold, and it is lonely, and it is isolating. I feel like that is the feeling that I have been running from all my life, avoiding that empty place again. That is why I am committed to creating safe spaces for others. I am trying to resolve a trauma belief. IDK

But God had a different plan because the people who adopted me, they were related to being my biological family. They were cousins; they all grew up and lived blocks from each other. I remember hearing a story in my late twenties, early thirties. My adoptive mom took me to Middletown, PA. They said my adoptive grandmom looked at me and spoke. This is Mariam’s baby. Look at her, she looks just like her. I grew up playing in the same playground as my little brother and sister, but I did not know we were kin. When that same grandmother passed away, my biological mom and her whole family were sitting at the funeral, and the whole town knew our story. I guess now, in hindsight, I was the only one in the room who did not know the story.

Everyone hid this from me until one day a sister-in-law said, ” Girl, we thought you knew who your real mom and dad are. Everybody in Middletown and Harrisburg knew who your mom and your dad were. My sister-in-law proceeded to tell me the story. Right after that, I went looking for both parents and found them. Their union in making me had created so much trauma in my life, so much damage. Even today, the two of them vex me. There has been so much damage done to me, things I still have not talked about or told people, that still can give me chills.

Always like this teacher and say to people that addiction is created because the person is attempting to avoid something, some pain, some memories, some situations, some trauma they do not want to relive ever again. I think being given up for adoption was for me. I would look in the mirror and wonder to myself, ” Who are you? Where did your eye color come from? Why does your face look like this? Why are you ambitious when you do not live with people who are not ambitious? Why do you sound like this? Who are you? I used to ask these and many more questions for most of my life.

But today I have come to accept and embrace who I am, what God created, and what everyone who has come across my life has added to life and taken from it. I am finally OK with myself, and I have learned how to live in my own skin. I can look in the mirror today, and I see Lisa. I am who I am. I am more concerned about the mark that I leave in this world. A good mark, when people are in my presence, I want them to know that I care about their story and about their life. I have not always been the best person. Most of my reactions to the world around me were based on my trauma and not knowing how to handle it. But today, my compassion is at its highest level, and while connecting with another human. I want them to look in my eyes, and I want them to see that I care, I hear them, I see them, they are important to me, their story is important to me. Because that is all I ever wanted in my entire life. For someone, anyone, to see me through the eyes of God and have compassion on me. Some did, and for that I am grateful.

Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your business?
Believe in the process was born out of my continued journey of therapy that probably started when I was 27 years old. It was the first time I found a safe space in my life where I could talk about what happened to me. I remember sitting there in complete silence. My body was going completely numb, my stomach turning into knots, and tears rolling down my face, because for the first time, someone finally articulated what I had grown up in. But the gift was that I didn’t turn away from the truth for the first time. I was willing to see it for what it was: pain, trauma, abuse, rape, molestation, abandonment, mixed with shame, guilt, and fear.

Therapy helped me find Lisa, which led me to a desire for healing. God used therapy and the therapist that were assigned to me to save my life. So, I believe in the process of therapy; I believe the process is transforming and life-changing. I’ve seen it in my own life, and I experience every single day in the life of every client that I serve. People should know that I live by what I teach to clients and others. I draw from client-centered care, which means the client is in control of the therapy session. I have been invited into the therapeutic process by the client. I respect the client’s boundaries and the truth they seek. Even if I don’t agree with it. I teach and practice mindfulness-based and trauma-informed care, integrating techniques from cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and narrative therapy.

While in therapy, one of the first things people will learn about themselves is their attachment style and the onset of their developmental crisis. My approach is collaborative, mixed with compassion and accountability. You set the pace, and I help guide the process. My specialty is in helping people find clarity and confidence through self-exploration, empowerment, and healing. I work with adults who are struggling to navigate life transitions, relationship challenges, trauma, grief, or a general sense of being “stuck.” Together, we create a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can begin to express what’s been buried deep down inside of you for years. Childhood trauma, secrets, shame, disappointment, and sadness.

Once those issues are resolved and healed or healing, we move into what sets you apart from others? What is your SuperPower? How do you see the world? Please share that with me? I listen, I care, I’m empathic, compassionate, understanding, challenging, and truthful with each person that I come in contact with. I believe my lived experience allows me the grace to flow like a peaceful, steady stream. Relying on my Source (GOD), trusting the direction of the currents that are continuous, directed movements generated by forces acting upon my life and the life of others I come across while on the journey. This is the definition of GRACE for me.

What do you want our readers to know about your brand, offerings, services, etc?
HEADLINE: Black people do attend therapy, they thrive, and they leave successful. At least while under my care.
HEADLINE: BLACK MEN DO ATTEND THERAPY

I offer your traditional therapeutic services, CBT, DBT, Trauma, and grief. However, I also take into account our cultural experiences, our attachment style, our personality types, and what happened to us throughout our stages of life development. All of these variables factor into our human experience. I use these therapeutic tools to teach people who they are and how they see the world. To remind them, there is nothing wrong with them. But in fact, they are only having a human experience. I guess I’m saying, come on in and let’s talk about your human experience. Let’s take a look at your coping skills. Maybe some of them need to be adjusted, removed, tweaked, or you might need some new ones. But we will not know if you don’t come and sit. So come and give yourself some grace, but let’s get to work.
Lisa

Do you have recommendations for books, apps, blogs, etc?
My favorite go-to books

Narcotics Anonymous – Recovery Self Help
Narcotics Anonymous – Step Working Guide – Recovery Self Help

Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul – This book taught me to let go of external things (things outside of me) and strive for my authentic voice. Remain true to this voice once you find it.

Eckhart Tolle, When Stillness Speaks – This book taught me that there is POWER in the PAUSE.

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now – This book taught me to live in the present moment. If you are too far in the future, it triggers your anxiety.
If you are looking back at the past, you are triggering your depression. So stay in the present moment; this is where safety truly lives.

The Alchemist – This book taught me. Always be aware of the signs, always. They are little pebbles that were left by God Himself, leading you along the way. (TRUST YOUR VOICE, THIS IS YOUR GOD VOICE)

Stephen Curry, What is your Superpower? This book reminds me that, regardless of what I’ve been through and where I come from

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma – The baby in the basket, left at the pregnant girl’s home.

Debbie Ford, The Shadow Effect – This book taught me. If you don’t face your trauma, then your trauma will control you, your relationships, and everything that you love.

Pricing:

• $125 Individual Session
• $175 Couples Counseling
• $250 Biopsychosocial
• $250 ASAM Assessment
• $300 Speaking Fees

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.believeintheprocesscounselingservices.com/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-anderson-akine-lpc-ms-cadc-ii-ncc-8abb34183/

Image Credits
All of the pictures were taken from my personal phone