An Inspired Chat with Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes

We recently had the chance to connect with Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes and have shared our conversation below.

Dr. Stephanie C., it’s always a pleasure to learn from you and your journey. Let’s start with a bit of a warmup: When was the last time you felt true joy?
There have been many instances over the 2025 year, but this summer we had the joy and honor and privilege of going to the Grand Canyon with our adult, now married children. We had hoped to do a big trip together when both girls had graduated from high school and college (2020), but COVID blocked that trip we had been planning (planned for three years!). So, while Arizona, the Grand Canyon, was not Europe, and we had hoped to have one more trip with our girls before they had significant others in their lives, this trip with them and their husbands was absolute joy! We anticipated it in January and just cherished these moments with our daughters and (sons-in-law) because each of them has a well-suited partner, and that also brings such joy to a parent’s heart. We were very intentional with time , all of us together- each couple having some alone time together and quiet and rest time.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
This is always a complicated question because there are two brands. The first company I founded was Autism Spectrum Resources for Marriage & Family, LLC. This brand focuses on support and coaching for marriage and families where one or more members are neurodivergent (I used the Harvard definition of neurodivergent to mean ADHD/ASD/other learning differences). Here we provide Education, Equipping Skills, active Engagement, and then Endurance (to move beyond surviving to thriving), or as our family book is titled, Embracing the Autism Spectrum: Finding Hope & Joy in Your NeuroDiverse Family Journey. This book was written by our family and is part of our mission to offer personal stories, hope, and practical tips and insights. A huge focus is on education and research, and best practices for those who are on the spectrum and support for those who love them! This is from personal experience, yes, as a wife and mom of neurodivergent kids, but also as a researcher and professional and certified autism specialist. Then another unique niche of marriage-faith-autism. Couples that are neurodiverse (having mixed neurotypes in the marriage), who are faith-based based also want their faith considered so with the International Association of NeuroDiverse Christian Marriages, LLC we train marriage helpers (coaches, clergy, chaplains, counselors or social workers, and clinicians) how to identify adult autism and how to work differently and more effectively with faith based neurodiverse couples or as we call them NDCC’s (Neurodiverse Christian Couples). My husband and I are also both ordained mininisters.

Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
I think there are many things that break the bonds between people. Still, we have found in neurodiverse couples, according to our research, over 80% of those who identified as neurodivergent were not identified until over the age of 35! Which, for all of our participants were married by that time. The average age was 45-55- that is a lot of life and marriage of misunderstandings, miscommunications between marriage partners! Many autism researchers, citing the changes in the diagnostic criteria from DSM III to IV (1994), refer to those missed as the Lost Generation of Autistics. Did autism just emerge these past decades? No, they were hiding in plain sight and misunderstood and being in a world that is prone to favor the typical or neurotypical, there is a lot of trauma for many and misunderstanding from their own families at times! So not knowing one’s self or feeling different or not belonging, coupled often with someone who had different thoughts and a need for marriage or more connectedness/intimacy, causes great disconnection. I believe that part of restoration is each person knowing themselves, working on their own attachment issues, understanding the capacity of the other, and building new plans and co-creating their path forward, once they know about their neurodiversity helps build or restore bonds. For those who have a faith belief system that will also involve looking at their faith or doctrine to see if religious rules and roles are getting in the way of within their faith creating a marriage and new system that may be less gender based and more skills and capacity based on their neurotypes.

If you could say one kind thing to your younger self, what would it be?
When my daughter was diagnosed in 2005/2006 with what was then called Asperger’s Syndrome (now Autism Level 1), I would have told younger me to slow down and stop learning so much about autism in general, but focus more on learning about my daughter as a person, more than the “syndrome.” While I followed what were best practices in that day and age, some of those were harmful and traumatizing to her and our relationship. I would have told myself to slow down, read, and learn, yes, but 20 years ago, I saw “autism as the problem to solve” much like many in the federal government today see the autism spectrum. I would also tell younger me- hey, nothing will be wasted! Right now, you think this is all about your daughter, but you will use this to help hundreds of families in the future. “You have come to this position for such a time as this’ and what many in your life “meant to use to harm you, you will use for the saving of many lives (families). It felt lonely back then and hard and sometimes overwhelming but maybe younger me would appreciate that all the research would be used in ways never thought imaginable, especially in the faith world which can lag behind in understanding neurological differences and mental health issues.

Sure, so let’s go deeper into your values and how you think. What’s a belief or project you’re committed to, no matter how long it takes?
Right nowI am on my third book- Empowering Autistic Voices in Education to be released in March 2026 by Future Horizons. I am committed to better educational practices for autistic students and want to see resources for teachers and administrators, and key stakeholders of power in special education to hear from autistic voices on what empowerment and inclusion look like beyond behavior management. It feels the country has taken a giant step backwards in reaching marginalized students and in the book while I provide the academic research on why collaboration and inclusion for autistic students matters for better outcomes for the students- their families- and society really if they are given support needed to work and live independently at a living wage- other chapters are written by those with lived experiences and their professional knowledge. This book elevates autistic voices about their lived public education experience and those neurodivergent professionals who want to help educators educate this next generation of autistic students. This mission feels bigger in our current situation with special education resources being lessened, parents and students disempowered and the possible dismantling of the Department of Education.

Okay, so let’s keep going with one more question that means a lot to us: If you knew you had 10 years left, what would you stop doing immediately?
I think I would focus more on educating the educators, coaching the coaches, and teaching the clinicians about identifying and working with neurodivergent people, marriages, and families. I want to work with academia in how we teach psychology courses, as I was told, “you will never meet someone with Asperger’s or Autism, they do not tend to marry.” I would want to help teach educators about autism, more than behaviors and classroom management. I would want to work with clinicians who are technically trained to identify autism but do better in children than adults. I would be working more to expand services and training, and understanding versus doing the coaching with marriages. But right now there is not enough people doing this work but at some point I would love to do more speaking and training on this which is why we have the second company that coaches professionals.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.holmesasr.com/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/feed/
• Twitter: https://x.com/HolmesNDCCs
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100069834551353
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.stephaniec.holmes3536
• Other: Substack Dr Stephanie C Holmes @autismmarriagefaith

  Patreon Neurodiverse Christian Couples coming in Jan 2026!

Image Credits
The headshot me in a purple jacket, Dean of Excellence, Oyster Bay Jamaica
Canva boxes by Callie Revel
Picture of me and my husband in burgundy shrts together Avanti Reese