Today we’d like to introduce you to Jay Cancel.
Hi Jay, so excited to have you on the platform. So before we get into questions about your work-life, maybe you can bring our readers up to speed on your story and how you got to where you are today?
As cliche as it may sound, I didn’t have the easiest upbringing. I couldn’t establish the same bonds as other kids my age, I really couldn’t connect with people as a whole. My formative years were spent desperately searching for that connection, sometimes in the wrong and most dangerous places. It left me not knowing who I was or wanted to be by the time it came to establish myself as an adult. Overwhelmed with hobbies and also the lack of motivation to enjoy them. I had been told, as most teenagers are, that college is a necessity and I had to choose something secure, and I tried it. I hopped between IT, to Accounting, to Real Estate before I threw down the textbooks and gave up. None of it satisfied the little burn in my brain that was begging to be fed with personality and it was extremely discouraging. That followed me even into my new chapter of being an independent adult. Many nights were spent in my apartment pouring over local colleges and online universities, making myself sick with the stress of finding something secure enough to keep money in my pocket but also something that didn’t rob my soul of life. All while working as many hours as possible so I wouldn’t have to consider the possibility of moving backwards.
There was one specific day I realized what eased that burn. I had been reorganizing my apartment and setting up a bookshelf in my bedroom. It had been months since I had the energy and the want to delve back into reading but I couldn’t bring myself to let go of my books. They were everything to me growing up, a way for me to cope and a way for me to also believe in happy endings. I had come across The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, which had been a gift from my mother. The way I loved this book, something about holding it again made me need to immerse myself back into the story. I have always felt like books were my friends, a constant I could always depend on when I couldn’t rely on anyone else and that urge came back to re-connect with this book. However, this time something was different.
Writing was one of many on my list of dopamine-chasing hobbies, but I had never paid it serious attention. That particular urge was sated with pages upon pages of diary entries, short stories jotted down on the back of school pages. Character building and world building were used as a way to give my brain a non-harmful task, but something about opening The Night Circus triggered the urge to create my own world. I was suddenly not viewing the story from a reader’s perspective but a writer’s. I was watching the scenes play out in my head with such vibrancy while also paying attention to how Morgenstern constructed those scenes. Sentence structure, character development, I was absorbing it all. I remember looking between the book and my laptop and fighting with myself. I didn’t want to start another project that I would lose fire for before it became something I was proud of. The thing that pushed me to open up that Google Doc was coming home from another exhausting day at work.
At the time I had been working for a family restaurant and it was running me into the ground. Too many hours and not enough money. My days consisted of working and my nights were filled with the struggle to sleep. The opportunity to leave that job behind hadn’t shown itself to me yet but some part of me had grown tired of not doing anything for myself. Bills were paid, sure, but I wasn’t fulfilled. I opened my laptop and stared at that screen for hours, way past my bed time. My brain had been taking advantage of the silence and throwing me into unpleasant spirals of bad memories and thoughts, and then I just started typing. It wasn’t the draft to any novel or world development of any kind, but I was writing. Mostly what I was feeling, some of it was memories. It was a diary of sorts. It went on for weeks, senseless writing to please that need to be creative in any possible way.
One day, it changed from senseless writing to a draft. At the time, I had been slowly posting on Instagram more, and for the first time in my life I had genuine relationships forming with beautiful people who encouraged me. I don’t plan on doing anything with that particular draft, but stepping back from my laptop and seeing something of substance there made me so incredibly happy, I had to keep writing. To keep creating. I bought sketch books and created my own breeds of fantasy creatures, I filled notebooks with characters who were so badass in ways I wished I could be. One thing about writing is that you always leave a little bit of yourself in your creations, whether it be talents or fears. I started accepting my skin, and more importantly my brain through developing these characters. 21 is such a difficult age to be. You’re an adult but you feel 16 and 7 and 45 all at once, especially in the world we exist in today. I found my grounding in writing.
Today, I’m a little micro influencer. I do book reviews, I post fun selfies, I spend hours in my friend’s comment sections spreading love and support. I was encouraged to start posting my writing as well, to build a community and share my journey as I created a physical copy of the world that only existed in my head up until that point. I just posted my first “blurb” from my drafts a few days ago, actually, and being a micro influencer, it of course didn’t go viral. But something about words I wrote being on the internet was so affirming, I didn’t care. The algorithms are so fickle anyways, I don’t care about virality or studying the trends. It’s happening slowly, but my community is growing. Healthy, healing habits are being formed. I’m seeing the world from the outside of my front door instead of my window. There is so much of my life I don’t remember, or that caused me pain, but I was given the chance to not only be someone outside of that but to also maybe be the support I needed for someone else. Whether it be through my presence or my stories.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
It has not been a smooth road, for sure. Nothing worthwhile or concrete ever is, though. My personal struggles were and continue to be a little bit extensive. Therapy was a must when I was able to stand on my own two feet, and personally it is something I encourage heavily. My therapist is a brilliant woman who has helped me face a lot of self sabotage and see past the veil of people pleasing. You can’t expect yourself to be able to create if there’s nothing in you to create with. Stepping out on my own was its own struggle as well. Its a period of time everyone faces at some point in their journey, whether they’re ready for it or not. It was a moment of panic for me rather than a moment of celebration. It was months past the day I left before I was able to sleep, or stop picking up too many shifts to make sure there was money for things. In today’s world, there are definitely still anxiety inducing things so many people, myself included, don’t have the privilege to not worry about. However, I do have the privilege of having a dependable support system. Writing itself is also its own struggle in a way. No one can write this story but me, its in my head. Trying to do this beautiful world the justice it deserves while seeing the rise and fall of so many other creators is a massive source of stress. I want to succeed, I want to create financial security for myself and my family, but I also want to be a source of comfort for another struggling person. I think my stories being a source of happiness and hope for someone who can’t find it elsewhere is one of my biggest goals, and its exactly why I keep going, why I keep writing and drafting and creating in spite of the bumpy road.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
Right now, the skills I’m focusing on building are my writing and in some part my photography. If I’m not suffering through my 9-5, I’m reading, writing, or propping up my camera. My Instagram holds a mix of “get ready with me” content and small updates on my bookshelf, which I’m always adding to. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m anything of a makeup influencer but I love filming life content. Makeup routines, work outfits, spend the day with me. My real work is my writing, though. I’m so new to my journey, barely breached 100 followers, but I’d have to say I’m most proud I started this journey. Putting yourself on the internet is hard, everyone has an opinion on every topic under the sun, but I started the journey and I started writing and that is the number one thing I’m proud of at this time in my life.
As far at things that set me apart, I’ve never considered a question like that. Being so behind my peers socially, I was slower to develop who I am, but if I had to pick something I would say my genuineness. It’s not the most unique answer, but its true. I spent so long mirroring others that when I realized there was space for me, I had such an urge to protect that feeling and that space. You can see it in my editing, and in my writing. I’ve started to unlearn things like my excruciating social embarrassment, and my physical insecurities as well. I’m human. I’m messy, and full of mistakes and regrets and apologies and pain. My camera angles aren’t always the most attractive, my makeup isn’t always flawless, my hair isn’t always done. But I show up. I atone. I support. I firmly believe I’m not here to be a figure of attractiveness, I’m here to create and give back to a space and to people that saved me. What sets me apart is truly my dedication and my commitment to show all sides of being human, the wins and the losses.
Is there a quality that you most attribute to your success?
Personally I would say spite. Spite is such a powerful motivator. I’ve been told I can’t. I’ve been told I shouldn’t. I’ve been told to be quiet, keep my head down, my mouth shut. I feel like persistence or dedication would be more socially acceptable but to be honest I am a spiteful person in the most positive way possible. It’s out of spite that I am alive today. It’s out of spite that I have the community that I have today, that I’ve rebuilt the bridges that I have today. I may not always be the most motivated, today’s world does not lend itself to feeding artistic souls, but one thing I am always down to do is smile in the face of those who told me I can’t. I will write this novel, and as many as I can until my time on this Earth is finished, because I have been told I can’t. I will foster a space for peace and healing out of my spite, because it kept me alive long enough to realize I wanted to do that for others in whatever way I can.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: jaylynette1111
- Other: Lemon8 – jaylynette1111 Threads- jaylynette1111 Tiktok- jaylynette1111
Image Credits
Navya Marshall
