Jonathan Dunlap on Life, Lessons & Legacy

We recently had the chance to connect with Jonathan Dunlap and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Jonathan , thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to share your story, experiences and insights with our readers. Let’s jump right in with an interesting one: Have any recent moments made you laugh or feel proud?
My wife and I have been married for 19 years and we do not have any children. Laughter is a cornerstone of our relationship! I laugh every day. As I’m answering this question right now, I’m realizing that the people around me probably do not know how much I laugh or how silly I am. I tend to present as laid-back, ordered, composed, and stoic. I remember a few years ago, I danced “freely” at a family reunion and my family said, “Wow, we didn’t know you could dance like that!” They were shocked to see that side of me. But it’s my normal way at home. So, in this moment, I’m grateful for my humor and silliness. I can’t say that I’m working on bringing more of that into my non-home spaces. That isn’t my calling right now. But when laughter does show up outside the home, it feels very natural and I enjoy it.

The short answer to the question: I accepted a challenge from my wife where I had to say an expletive phrase in the highest pitch I could…just to see what it would do for the moment. When the moment came, I said it, and it was hilarious!

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
My name is Dr. Jonathan Dunlap and I work as a licensed professional counselor in my private practice, Ona Counseling & Consulting. I have been in this field for about 20 years and my approach to therapy has shifted several times over the years. I am an existential therapist and work with people who are troubled with life’s big questions during their transitionary periods like mid-life, peri/menopause, divorce or new relationship, situations that led to a loss of “status,” aging, and death. People come to me with unanswered questions like, but not limited to:

Who am I?
I used to have _____ and now I don’t anymore and I don’t know what to do with that.
Am I enough?
What’s the point?
How do I let go of the past?
Why do I keep doing this?
My public image and personal image are conflicting. What do I do?
I thought [this] would feel different, but now that I am here, everything feels the same or worse. Now what?.

And the list goes on.

I enjoy going on the journey with my clients. Learning together and finding the words, emotions, and body sensations that help them connect to themselves.

I help people clarify the “how.” We hear phrases like, live you best life, put yourself first, live authentically, let it go, pray about it, stop being afraid, etc., but the person is often left with the question, How? This is where I thrive.

I also created an approach to emotions called “What Do My Emotions Need?” I have a workbook that helps people understand how to listen to the sensations of the body and understand what to do when certain emotions show up. When the body feels the sensation of thirst, you already know what that sensation needs. Emotions are sensations and they have specific needs as well. My approach to emotions helps clarify exactly what your body, specifically, needs when it feels certain emotions.

Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. Who were you before the world told you who you had to be?
I have no way of knowing who I was before I was told who I had to be. Maybe I was nothing. Insignificant. A fragment of everything that exists. But those are the words that have been given to me to describe something I do not know. What I have observed about the “world,” of which I am a part of, is that no matter how I show up, the “world” wants me to be something different. If I’m loud, the world says quiet down. If I’m quiet, the world says speak your truth. If I speak my truth, the world says have empathy for those around you. If I have empathy, the world says set boundaries or get walked over. No matter who I’m told to be, and who I am, there will always be the world, sitting there smiling at me, instructing me to be something else.

If you could say one kind thing to your younger self, what would it be?
I wouldn’t say anything to him. He’s perfect as he is.

Next, maybe we can discuss some of your foundational philosophies and views? How do you differentiate between fads and real foundational shifts?
Everything is a fad to me. I do not see permanence anywhere. My body is always changing, moving closer to death. When other’s have died, the body continued its transition into dust, dirt, flowers, etc. I assume mine will do the same. Any idea I accept as true in this moment will be seen in the future as faulty. All ideas change. Nothing is permanent. Every foundational shift has been a fad. I hold what I need to navigate the environment around me and I let that go when it no longer works for me.

Okay, so let’s keep going with one more question that means a lot to us: How do you know when you’re out of your depth?
When I’m under water, holding my breath, and the timer starts moving beyond the 90-second mark.
When I’m driving and I’m sleepy.
When I’m convinced that what I know is absolutely true.
When I’m sleepy and I’m powering through it.
When I’m feeling emotions and refuse to share them with my wife.
When I’m thirsty and don’t drink.
When I want someone to change.
When a tornado is heading toward me and I wish it wasn’t.
When I’m trying to figure out how the mind works.
When I’m striving to be something.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.onacounseling.com