Today we’d like to introduce you to Sarah Moore.
Sarah, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
I never imagined I would be a survivor of sexual assault. I never thought that would be part of my story. Before I became a survivor, I thought rape only happened at 3 am with some stranger in a bush. Society tells us that’s the only way it can happen without it being the victim’s fault. My life was forever changed in November of my freshman year when I was sexually assaulted. After it happened, I never planned on telling anyone. After all, it wasn’t with a stranger in a bush at 3 am. It involved two people I sort of knew. Alcohol was involved. It had to be my fault. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the choice of keeping the incident to myself. As much as I wanted to hold it in and continue moving on with my life, I couldn’t. One of the boys posted me on his Snapchat. I never saw it, but a lot of people did. I couldn’t tell you what the picture or video was off. To this day, I don’t want to see. I do know that it was bad enough for housing authorities to get involved. I was warned to tell my parents, as they were probably about to be contacted. Scared and completely broken, I called my mom and told her everything that happened. Having never dealt with this before, she took me to the hospital to get a rape kit done. Within minutes, police officers and detectives showed up in my hospital room, waving legal papers in my face and bombarding me with insensitive questions. They needed names, places, and details. It was the lowest I had ever been in my life, I thought my life was over. I never wanted to tell anyone about this- now, I am being forced to share every last detail and make major legal decisions. I didn’t choose to press charges. People ask me all the time why I didn’t. They like to put their two cents in as if they had been in my shoes. But I wanted it all to be over as soon as possible. I was broken and traumatized and scared. Why would I allow this to last any longer?
After hours of sitting in that hospital bed, I was taken to a sexual assault clinic, where the rape kit would actually be done. I had to answer more questions, remove all my clothes and allow them to take pictures of my naked, fragile body- every inch. I got exams and shots and swallowed all kinds of pills to prevent pregnancy and STIs. For the next few days, my body was there but my mind wasn’t. I was a zombie. I laid still for nearly four days straight. How would I ever show my face at school again? How was I supposed to just move on from this? In the next few weeks and months, my family and closest friends gave me the strength I needed to move forward. I returned back to school, to my dorm, to the faces that had seen who-knows-what of me. I am a happy, positive person and once I started showing signs of that again, I think a lot of people thought I was okay. They don’t tell you what to do when your relationships with men, family, lovers, and one of the most intimate, beautiful things- sex, are completely tainted. I was broken and left to pick up the pieces, something only I could do for myself. Somedays, I’d say I’ve done a pretty good job. Other days, I am reminded of the lifelong effects of sexual assault. Raising awareness for the experiences of survivors, especially after the encounter(s), has become my greatest passion.
So sorry that happened and thank you for having the courage to open up about such a traumatic experience. Is there anything else you’d like to share about that or other challenges you’ve had to overcome?
I’ll say it again- I never thought this would be my story. I never thought the problems I live with and face on a daily basis would be a part of my reality. No, it has not been a smooth road. I would hope that nobody would expect me to bounce back and absolutely thrive after what happened that night. No survivor should be held to that kind of pressure. Although what happened to me has completely changed my perspective on life, I can say it gave me a purpose and passion that I would not have had otherwise. When I went through my darkest moments, I had no survivor by my side to tell me that it was not my fault, that things would be okay. I had friends and family, but I didn’t have someone who had lived through a pain similar to mine. I long to be that for someone. To spare someone even a little bit of the shame, pain, and brokenness you feel during and after a sexual assault would help set me free. My freedom comes from helping others heal.
To any woman, man, or gender non-conforming individual who has been impacted by sexual assault,
I write this with tears in my eyes because my heart cries out for you. I do not care how many times this has been said to you- it is not your fault. Even if that was your boyfriend. Even if you were intimate with that person prior to the assault. Even if it was a family member. Even if you were drinking. Even if you enjoy having sex. Even if you thought you wanted it at first but changed your mind. Even if you were out at 2 am. Even if you like to wear clothes that make you feel and look good. I am so sorry that your very humanity was put to the side so someone else could feel pleasure and control. I am sorry that this experience or experiences has made you view sex in such a way that you never trust anyone to be intimate with again. I am sorry that it has made you view sex in such a way that you seek to have it with whoever, whenever because intimacy is no longer a thing in your eyes. I am sorry that it has left you pregnant. I am sorry that it has left you with flashbacks and trauma that steals your joy. I am sorry that it has left you with STIs. I am sorry that it makes you feel like you can’t wear clothes you would feel confident in otherwise. I am sorry that it makes you feel like you can’t drink alcohol without expecting something bad to happen. I am sorry you can’t be touched intimately without freezing up and beginning to cry. I am sorry if it has made you numb. I am sorry if it has blurred the line between consensual and non-consensual engagements. I am so sorry. While maybe sexual assault shouldn’t be an excuse for unhealthy behaviors or decisions, it may certainly be a cause. Allow yourself to mourn. Something very, very bad happened to you.
For just a moment, stop feeling responsible for what happened to you, and feel the pain. Acknowledge that you have been changed. Learn from my mistakes: if you try to carry the shame someone else never felt, you will slowly kill yourself. You were not meant to carry that shame. Put it down.
Please tell us about More Than A Night.
Since I was sexually assaulted, I knew I wanted to be a voice for others. For so long, I didn’t know where to begin. I was still trying to regain my own voice, much less be a voice for other survivors. I lacked motivation and creativity. I did know that I particularly wanted to focus on the lasting effects of sexual violence. My life has been permanently altered because of my experiences, and that is often silenced. It is rarely discussed just how extensively survivors are affected by their experiences. I patiently waited and asked God for ways to share my story and set others free. That became a theme for me- setting others free. Hearing the stories of other survivors provides me freedom, and I know my story can do the same for others. I was scared to share my story. People would talk and judge and blame what happened to me, on me. Perhaps it’s too much information to be sharing to people who didn’t know me well. I had to put that to the side. I had to stop allowing the thoughts of people who never felt my pain to limit me and how I could be a light for others.
More Than A night is still in the works. The release date for the website is August 31. The primary goal of the website is to be a platform for survivors to set others free through their own words and thoughts. Survivors have submitted their work to morethananight19@gmail.com, as it will be anonymously displayed on the website. Additionally, the website will have resources for support, statistics, and resources for healing. One of my particular goals is to connect survivors with non-mainstream resources; support and healing for black women, South Asian women, disabled women, men, individuals in the military, the LGBTQ+ community, and more. In the near future, I would like to take More Than A Night to Instagram, sharing survivors’ stories along with anonymous visual representations. Additionally, I am hopeful about More Than A Night meet-ups in the downtown Atlanta area, in which survivors can connect. More details about these events are to come.
Were there people and/or experiences you had in your childhood that you feel laid the foundation for your success?
From a young age, I have been overwhelmingly kind-hearted. Perhaps what hurt people the most when finding out about my experiences, is that such a loving person was treated in such a degrading way. I have never been an angry, revenge or justice-seeking person. I have always worked quietly and with the interests of others in mind. While my kindness has always been tested and sometimes taken for granted, I do feel like it been a driving force in my passion for being a light to others.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.morethananight.com
- Phone: 404-790-6276
- Email: morethananight19@gmail.com
- Instagram: sarahroore_
- Twitter: mooresarah_
Image Credit:
App called Canva
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