Life & Work with Ericka Raye

I had my first breakout viral video with a guy I was dating at the time– having 1.9M views on Tiktok, having famous Instagram pages repost us, and being everyone’s “couple goals”, but little did they know that the weekend that video was made, which was Valentine’s Day, I would cry and try to fight him because he was cheating on me. Next time I saw my second viral video, I posted the hurtful mean messages of everything the guy I was dating at the time sent me due to him cheating again and having his new fling break up with me for him, but over Facetime. I was so hurt at the time and it seemed like nothing would help. Posting that video was one of the best decisions I made because I got so much outpouring of love and positive words that I really needed. Even women that had been in the same position as me.

I had never had low self-esteem or low self-confidence until I got with this person. Everything I was going through in this relationship was wearing me out spiritually, mentally, and physically, but it seemed like his apologies kept drawing me back in.
August 7, 2021 is just when you thought it couldn’t get any lower because they cheated on me on my birthday. Yes, I know it was my fault for believing someone like this, I kind of had a part to play in creating my own trauma with him. Although cheating is common, that doesn’t make it normal. I can’t imagine going through something like this again on a consistent basis. Psychologically it causes many short-term or long-term mental issues in men and women! My family saw the mental decline in me and I saw it myself. Posting a video concerning those issues I was going through at the time, I saw another breakout video getting 1.5M views but also starting a trend! You can see the video here: https://www.tiktok.com/@erickaraye/video/7000078748661943558?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1. I saw so many people tagging me in their videos doing my trend! A woman that even related to my video that recovered from a drug addiction! I realized that this was a ministry I was doing, 15 seconds of a video may not seem like much, but I realized I had inspired and touched so many people!

I’ve sort of made my brand “the ex that got away” as I’m constantly posting inspirational breakup posts because so many young girls turn off in the wrong path because of the empty promises of a man. We all say that would never be me, I could never act like that over a guy, until one day, it is you.

Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
My biggest challenge was self-image. I let someone else tell me my worth instead of knowing it for myself. Quick backstory on myself: My parents married, had me, and then got divorced when I was 7 years old due to infidelity in the marriage on my father’s side. I didn’t realize until I got older that I had a wall built up against my dad because I felt like the divorce was his fault, and because of the divorce, I believed it caused my mom to struggle financially which caused my mother & I to be homeless for half of the year, sleeping in Motel 6’s or when she didn’t have enough money for a room, sleeping in her work office, or in the car.

I’ll admit that I didn’t view specifically black men in a good light at this time, I felt that they all cheated, they’re lazy and other irrational stereotypes because the black man that I thought was the leading example in my life had turned out to be the cause of my issues, or so I thought at the time. Typically I guess you can say I started to look for love in all the wrong places or have a desire to seek the attention of men. Sounds like the typical daddy issues, right? The fact is, my dad didn’t reject me, he didn’t disown me, he was still active in my life! These issues were projected over me from my mom’s negative view of my dad & I didn’t even realize it at the time.

Trying to work through these issues of course don’t happen overnight, so unknowingly still having these active issues that I thought were gone, I started dating a guy that, bingo, was just like my father– which was the guy that eventually would go on to cheat on me, but cause me to have so many successful inspirational Tiktoks for others! It sounds strange, but I once heard Iyanla Vanzant say, “Girls marry men just like their father.” My dad spoiled me, anything I wanted I would have it. Just like this guy. There was a quote that this guy said to me that the only person I ever heard say this quote was my father, EVER. This man cheated on me for the majority of our relationship. Same thing, my dad did to my mom!

Appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
I’m known for my openness on Tiktok on my process through the messy bad breakup I went through. Never did I think I would have other girls reaching out to me for help or people being inspired and looking up to me. I love this because it’s not for my own self-gain, I know who gets the real glory because I didn’t bring myself out, I barely had the mental capacity to leave that person for good. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m also not where I used to be, thankfully!