Today we’d like to introduce you to Sheila Bailey.
Sheila, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
I can remember watching my parents be in love, seeing my Father care and adore my Mother. I knew even at an early age that I wanted to be married.
Born & raised in Buford, Georgia my household was that of a familiar strict southern Baptist environment so there were a few things that were embedded in my life; remaining a virgin until I married and having a boyfriend would only mean I could have a boy over with the presence of my parents. As a child, teenager, young adult I couldn’t see the big picture of what was waiting for my life that my parents saw. I simply couldn’t understand why I was unable to hang out, go to parties, attend sleepovers, “be a kid,” so I thought. In my mind, I was missing out on LIFE and when I graduated from high school I began to rebel. My first objective was to leave Georgia, get away from my parents so I could do what I wanted when I wanted and how I wanted. I joined the United States Army and was off to New Jersey to start “my life.”
The military proved to be everything I wanted FREEDOM and nothing of what I expected…..to be sexually assaulted. At the age of 18, my first encounter with intimacy was taken, not gifted to a man and I was traumatized. All I could think about was what my parents would think of me, that it was my fault, that I felt nasty and no man would ever want me once they knew. Then I met my ex-husband……..I shared my story and he became who I needed to move past the pain of the sexual assault. Unknowingly, simply because of my naive nature I believed that this man loved me even when I was well aware of the other women. In my mind he cared more for me because he gave me more time, he let me drive his car. Simply reasons but truly what my mind processed. This was the beginning stages of my life as an abused woman. I accepted things from this man, his apologies, his lies, the cheating, the disrespect because I felt that he knew my secret and he still “stayed with me” he still “said he loved me.” His emotional abuse was added to verbal abuse and then graduated to physical. Silently I cried, silently I kept my life a secret from my family, my children, my friends.
Then it happened, the day I decided I could no longer live not breathing. This one particular day my ex wanted to take the car and leave me at home with children without transportation. I locked myself in the bathroom with my son. As he bammed on the door, screaming and cursing me out my son sat in my lap clinching to me tightly. He finally kicked the door in and stood over me still cursing and screaming. I embraced my son and lifted my eyes to look at him. As our eyes met he punched me. It was at that moment that I knew this was not the man that I wanted my son to be. He could not think that this is the way that you treat someone you love………..On August 22, 1999, I left my abuser and never looked back.
While moving my way to the new journey in my life I decided I would return to school. During one of the classes, a lady came in to speak with us about her organization that assisted the elderly with food. After class, she and I spoke and she invited me to come to speak at an event for survivors she was hosting for women empowerment. Humbly I accepted unaware that this act of obedience would change my life. When I arrived at the event I was informed that the ladies in the room were domestic violence survivors. Quite obvious as some you could still see visible scars. I wept quietly knowing that my speech would now be a testimony. As I stood on stage making a connection with the women that were now looking at me I begin to speak, my story of sexual assault, of domestic violence and the weight was freed. That was October 2013, the first time I’d openly spoken about the secrets in my life that kept me silent. After the event I had my son take a photograph of me and I posted it on my Facebook page simply stated “I am a Rape & Domestic Violence Survivor.” It was not the “likes” of the pictures that moved me to “do something” it was the inbox messages that began to flood in. They asked for help, they had empathy for me, they knew someone that needed help……..I knew God gave me the test, to provide a testimony. In June of 2014 No Longer The Face Foundation was born. With breaking my silence I also decided that I would share my story. I wrote my first book, Willow Silent Cries an autobiographical trilogy that gives an account of my life. By writing, I felt that my story would be able to encourage & inspire another woman that she too can walk in freedom.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
I don’t feel like anyone with a story can say that they have had a smooth road/journey. However, it is with those obstacles/challenges that make you stronger, that fuels your faith…….Being alone was truly an adjustment and there were times where I missed my ex’s company even though I knew he was not good for me or the children. I even considered on numerous occasions reconciling and I had to realize that while I was alone, truly alone it was exactly the same when I was with him……I had to deal with low self-esteem, feeling like the whole divorce was my fault. Aside from what I felt I as well had to endure how my children felt towards me. It wasn’t until they were old enough to know the truth about why their Father was not at home with us that they realized my decision was best for all of us. Being a single mother was by far the hardest task in my life but there is absolutely nothing I would trade for God giving me the gift of my children. Because of them, I continued to get up each morning when often I wanted to cover my head and disappear.
Please tell us about No Longer The Face Foundation.
I can remember feeling that this was right. The way he treated me, the things he said were all in my mind “ok” because he loved me. Till death do you part constantly rang in the depths of my soul and I was determined to make it work, stay; even in spite of what was going on. This was the mind of an abused woman mentally, physically & emotionally. After many years of remaining quiet and tolerating the silent abuse I decided that I would no longer be the face of a victim; nor would my children be subjected to accepting the abuse as normal behavior.
No Longer The Face Foundation was born on June 2014 as my desire to do something to help others, like me. I didn’t want one woman feeling like she had to stay because no one wanted her, the children needed their father, afraid of what others would think, too scared or fearful of starting over alone.
Since our first event in June 2014, our organization has evolved into a network of survivors, resources, supporters & advocates all with the common joint goal of putting an end to domestic violence. We firmly believe the lives of women and children existing in the shadows of domestic violence matter. Our mission is to assist in saving the lives of those most vulnerable by providing support, resources and unified voice for survivors and victims of this widespread problem. In doing so, we aspire to promote community awareness and to foster hope by assisting victims in reclaiming a life of happiness, free from domestic violence.
If you had to go back in time and start over, would you have done anything differently?
My life is where it is for a reason. To start it again would alter what God’s purpose is for me. What I am doing at this very moment is exactly what His path is for me. I’m being obedient, staying humble & embracing this journey that He’s directing me to.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.nolongertheface.com
- Phone: (470) 238-8629
- Email: nolongertheface@gmail.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nolongerthefacefoundation
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/nolongerthefacefoundation
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/nolongertheface
Image Credit:
J. Lenz Photography
Carla M. Johnson Photography
Carrie Jean Photography
Porche Photography
Steve Osemwenkhae Photography
Getting in touch: VoyageATL is built on recommendations from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems, so if you know someone who deserves recognition please let us know here.
