Today we’d like to introduce you to Elam King.
Hi Elam, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
I got married at a young age of 26 years old. At the time my wife already had two small children and then she and I had a son as well. So at the young age of 26 years old, I already had three children and a wife to support. At the time that I got married most of my peers were not married. So by the time that my peers started getting married in their 30s a lot of them would call me for advice because they figured since I had been married for a while, I must have the answers to some of the challenges they were having or any type of relationship advice. At the time I was unaware that I was coaching people. I thought I was just giving people advice when they asked me questions.
Ironically, during this time within my marriage of giving advice to others, we were going through some challenges at the same time. The top 3 reasons for divorce are infidelity is number one, finances is number 2, and communication is number 3. And my wife and I were experiencing challenges in all 3 of those areas. Other than a very small group of people, nobody in our circle really knew what was going on internally. We decided to seek counsel with Donald bell and Adrienne Bell. Adrienne Bell previously worked for me in a call center after I graduated Hampton University in 1998, and she and I became really close friends. I got cool with her husband Donald and he started mentoring me in how to be a better husband. Donald and Adrienne coached us through some tough times within our marriage. As we were coming out of the storm in our marriage, Adrienne made a suggestion to me that I should write a book. At the time I was very confused because I was thinking to myself, “why would somebody want to listen to me? I’m the guy that cheated on his wife and we had all of these other challenges inside of the marriage so nobody will listen to me.” And I remember Adrienne said to me “Elam you are the exact person that people will listen to.”
So fast forward a year or 2 later in 2015 Adrienne Bell was having a women’s conference in Ponte Vedra Beach Florida. My wife decided to attend and Adrienne asked me to attend to be a part of a panel discussion called Understanding the Mind of a Man. The goal was for myself and four other men to answer questions about how men think in relationships. On the day of the panel discussion, there was a room of about a 100 women. For one hour we answered questions that the women were asking. At the end of that hour, they wanted to ask more questions but we did not have time to answer those questions. The women in the room were disappointed and begged Adrienne to keep it going but we had to stop and move along with the conference. At that moment I remember looking around the room saying to myself “I think women really don’t understand the way men think in relationships.” And that was the birth of my first book Understanding a Man; Empowering Women with Tools for Lasting Relationships. And after I put the book out, I started doing panel discussions around the country, Podcasts, online courses, writing additional books, etc.. and everything that you see today all came from the concept at that women’s conference that most men don’t express themselves the way we should and allow women to understand the way we think.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
It definitely has not been a smooth road but now that I have a better understanding of how this journey of life can be I’m OK with the rocky road that it has been at times. There is no way you could have told me in my mid-twenties that 1 day I was going to be an author. There’s no way that you could have told me that I was going to be doing speaking engagements, podcasts, and have a coaching service to help others in their relationship… I thought I was going to be a salesman for the rest of my life. But somewhere around my mid-thirties, I realized that I was not happy with the direction of my life. I was not walking in purpose and I was not doing the things on a daily basis that made me happy. That trickled into my household and caused even more challenges within my relationship. I had to take a look at myself and make some changes. It’s almost like the Michael Jackson song “Man In the Mirror.” I didn’t like the man that was in the mirror… And the interesting part is that the people around me had no idea that I was walking through this type of struggle in my life. But fortunately, I had some mentors and I was in counsel and that allowed me to transition away from who I thought I was and into who I am today.
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I am a 3 time author with my latest book that should be released on Father’s Day called Understanding a Man; Memoirs from a Father to His Son. You can find all of my books at elambking.com. I have my own podcast called Understanding a Man that’s available on all on all podcasting platforms. I have also partnered with other friends for other podcasts to include three and a possible which is a spin-off from the Power 108.9 radio show that I co-host with Michael Mcfadden and Cole Parker. And then recently I have become a cohost with blogger Joketra Horne, and comedians Ashima Franklin and Tight Mike on the Help Me Understand Podcast which airs live on Monday evenings on all social media platforms. Prior to the pandemic, I was involved in a lot of panel discussions around the country. Now that the world is opening back up we will be betting back to relationship panel discussions and conferences. The area that makes me the happiest is in my relationship coaching services. I coach couples whether they’re dating, in pre-marriage, or marriage. One of the categories that I love the most in coaching is the pre-marriage. It means so much to me to help coach people in a situation that they fully understand the path they’re taking into marriage. And the joy that I get from couples when they say things like “oh I didn’t even think about generational curses.”… or “I didn’t think I needed to list out my non-negotiables and be clear about the things I want in a marriage.” To know that I might have done something that can bring longevity to a marriage is so fulfilling to me. I also released a primary coaching course online in May 2021 called arewereadyyetcourse.com. And that’s for those that are unable to meet for premarriage coaching 1:1 with me or virtually. You can easily take the course and it walks you through all the important areas that I talk about in the 1:1 and virtual sessions with couples.
I think what I’m known for the most is that I’m very direct in sharing how some men feel in relationships. It’s interesting with the recent passing of Kevin Samuel, I’ve had so many people call me and say “Hey you are next on deck and need to take the lead now”… And I just laugh. I think the reason they use me in comparison to a Kevin Samuel, is that I am known for speaking my opinion and sharing how some men feel in relationships, and I don’t back down when challenged. I think that some women are not used to men holding them accountable to certain things in a relationship. We’ve been more taught that we(men) need to do abc 123 and now we have more men speaking up and sharing what they want too. I think that’s one of the reasons why that Kevin Samuels received so much notoriety from some of the men out there. He said what he had to say and did not waiver. I operate in that same capacity I just happened to be a little nicer in my delivery…lol… And I provide adaptable tools that can empower you to have ongoing success in your relationship.
Can you tell us more about what you were like growing up?
I ran into this world very quickly. Between the time that my mother’s water broke, and my arrival in this world was a total of one hour. If my father didn’t run the red light that was 2 blocks before the hospital, I probably would have been born in a car. Growing up in elementary school I always got in trouble for running my mouth according to my parents. I was always trying to get involved in things and sometimes to my detriment. My mother used to say I talk so much I might as well be an attorney. And for a period of time, I wanted to be an attorney, but I didn’t want to write, and I knew the law would require a lot of writing, and papers… and now I’m a 3x author with two more books I’m working on for 2023 and 2024…. the irony….lol
Throughout my middle school and early high school years, I used to get picked on a lot… People used to crack jokes about the clothes that I wore and the hairstyle that I had. In the beginning it used to bother me when people used to pick on me, but after a while, I learned to laugh at the jokes that they would say about me. It helped me to grow and develop a tough skin to be able to handle people not liking me and having distasteful things to say about me. In my later years, I learned how developing that skill set of not having to “fit in” with the crowd, actually helped me go in directions and do things that were not always popular with the crowd. It gave me the courage to go do things that others didn’t want to do or were not ready to do. For example in 2008, I realized that corporate America was not for me. I realized that I wanted to expand my entrepreneurial abilities and have a business that would generate additional income. I started off in network marketing. A lot of people used to joke and say things like “you have 3 degrees so why would you want to do something outside of what your degrees are in.” I remember telling them that I wasn’t happy with the corporate America route. Fast forward to 2019, during the pandemic a lot of people began to look and see what they were doing was not something that they wanted to do and they developed another business or product or service. Some of the same people that questioned me 10+ years earlier, were some of the same people that we’re finally learning that they needed to do something different. So the skill set that I developed in middle school of not caring what other people said, helped me to get ahead and walk-in purpose long before others may have realized that they wanted to do the same.
The last thing I want to say is that in high school many people don’t know that I actually ran track for a year. I almost broke the record for pole vaulting that first year of trying. I was very good at track and the coach wanted me to continue on. The only reason why that I didn’t is because when it came time that I needed money to go to the mall, or to go out with my friends, I always had to ask my parents for money. And I didn’t like asking them. The only way I was going to be able to get my own money was to get a job. And it was difficult for me to maintain school, track, and have a job, so the track had to go. I always wonder what would have happened if I had continued track… I guess I’ll leave that dream for my grandson…lol
Pricing:
- $17.99 Book – Understanding a Man – Empowering Women with Tools for a Lasting Relationship
- $19.99 Book – When His Soul Cries
- $19.99 Book – Understanding a Man – Memoirs from a Father to His Son
- $399 Online Course – PreMarriage Coaching course – arewereadyyetcourse.com
Contact Info:
- Website: elambking.com
- Instagram: elambking
- Facebook: UnderstandingAMan
- Twitter: elambking
- Youtube: Elam B King
