Today we’d like to introduce you to Dr. Raushanah Hud-Aleem.
Hi Dr. Raushanah, thanks for joining us today. We’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
I am the daughter of two mental health professionals who have worked with children and their families. Education and family are some of the core values they instilled into my siblings and me. These values led me to becoming an honor roll student-athlete in high school, magna cum laude college graduate, and double board-certified adult, child, and adolescent psychiatrist with numerous encounters serving underserved children and families and a business owner. As many young girls do, I played house with my sisters and dreamed of one day getting married and having children. I thought it would be just as easy as it appeared on television. So when my husband and I decided to start a family, I anticipated that I would get pregnant right away, the pregnancy would be blissful, and labor quick and uneventful.
After delivery, I thought nursing would be easy, I would make homemade baby food and be the perfect wife and perfect mother. That was far from was my reality. I am the mother of four beautiful daughters and I have suffered from postpartum depression and anxiety with each of my pregnancies. Each pregnancy was different however, the first and last one was the most challenging. From my experience, I realized that depression and anxiety during pregnancy is not discussed enough. Many women, including myself hid the truth in fear of being considered unfit and “crazy.” It seemed as if the only time it was discussed is when there was a news headline of a mother who either hurt herself or hurt her children, even though those scenarios are the exception. I wore a figurative mask to hide the shame and embarrassment that I was depressed and anxious. I thought, “I’m a psychiatrist! I’m not supposed to feel depressed and anxious!” Somehow, I thought it reflected my competency. I began working on my mindset and realized that wearing this mask was perpetuating the depression and anxiety.
Wearing the mask was hindering my growth. Once I removed my mask, I felt vulnerable yet empowered and inspired. Thus, I desire to help women like me who have struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety feel empowered and inspired too. Empowered to speak their truth out loud and unapologetic and inspired to be proactive and seek the support and/or treatment needed so they can obtain mental health wellness individually and as a family. My experience inspired me to write a book “Prehab Before Postpartum: Perinatal Depression and Anxiety Guide For A Happier Postpartum” to encourage mothers, and their families, to prepare for the postpartum period, aka “4th trimester”, in advance of delivery. Many women are ashamed, embarrassed, and feel that Post-Partum Depression is a character flaw or weakness. Consequently, they suffer silently for extended periods of time. Additionally, I want to help increase the knowledge and understanding for mothers and their families about perinatal depression and anxiety, so we can decrease its stigma. Decreasing the stigma may help knock down barriers and allow individuals to seek the help they need.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
It’s been rewarding at times and very challenging other times. My 1st and 4th pregnancy was very difficult and likely among the lowest periods in my life. I was living in Ohio away from my family when I finally got pregnant after almost a year of trying. I got pregnant during medical residency which is often very stressful and rigorous for many. Nevertheless, I was elated elated because now I could experience what I dreamt. The pregnancy was uneventful until delivery. Everything I thought I learned from the pregnancy classes, reading books, talking to other mothers, etc., went right out the window. I was in labor for a very long time and the doctor was contemplating a C-section. Instead, my delivery wound up being assisted via forceps, a traumatic event for both me and my baby.
Right after delivery, I immediately tried breastfeeding, literally while still on the delivery bed, and it was one of the most difficult and painful experiences. This beautiful fragile little creature had the jaws of life. How could something so natural be so painful? After continued difficulty with breastfeeding I requested assistance from a lactation specialist while in the hospital with little success. I was discharged from the hospital and I continued to struggle with getting the baby to latch. At the same time, I was feeling swollen, sore nipples, experiencing headaches, and extremely fatigued. I went to see my OB about 2 or 3 days after discharge and she immediately sent me to the Emergency Room to be admitted to the ICU. My blood pressure was 210/105. I was ultimately diagnosed with postpartum pre-eclampsia. I was terrified because I was diagnosed with a condition that could be fatal and a condition that is three times more fatal in African American women compared to white women. I was alone, bed bound and away from my newborn daughter.
My prayer was to return home as soon as possible. I was finally discharged after 4 to 5 days. Upon discharge, I still imagined that I would resume a blissful postpartum period. I would go home, nurse my newborn, bond with my baby, get back in shape, lose the baby weight, and be the perfect mom. That didn’t happen because once I got back home I still couldn’t get the baby to latch on without it elevating my blood pressure and causing excruciating pain. I was home alone and lonely. I wasn’t taking care of myself, I may have bathed every other day. It was horrible! I had limited contact with people other than my husband. Instead of losing weight, I maintained the weight gained during pregnancy. Instead of feeling confident about motherhood I felt unprepared and frightened. I didn’t utter a word to anyone, wore my figurative mask, and suffered silently. Over time the depression and anxiety waned, but the guilt and shame remained and festered. My depression and anxiety during my second and third pregnancy and postpartum period was not as severe and didn’t last as long.
Right after the birth of my second child, I was completing my fellowship training and able to move back to the peach state of Georgia, where most of my immediate family resided. It was great because I was closer to my parents, sisters, and brother! My support system magnified. In hindsight, this may have been one of the reasons my anxiety and depression wasn’t as severe and didn’t last as long. When my second oldest turned three years old, I started to get that itch! That ‘I want another baby!’ itch. So, my husband and I, tried and were successful getting pregnant with the 3rd baby. I thought, ‘Now our family is complete! We have our caboose!’ Boy was I wrong! I found out quickly that having two was not the same as having three children! I believed the hype/myth that many other moms say, “Oh, having three children is about the same as having two!” I began to feel more overwhelmed and less on top of things. I felt my job was taking too much of my time from my family and from me! I was growing increasingly more resentful toward my job and contemplated leaving it many times. However, the “job security”, “benefits”, and I admit the unknown kept me there. It kept me there despite feeling burnt out and unappreciated.
Spring of 2017, my husband and I were so excited when the youngest was about to graduate from pre-K! I was 40 years old by that time and thinking “Okay, I’m about to enter into another stage in my life!” I was becoming antsy, fed up, and burnt out at my job of eight years. I got tired feeling unappreciated and tired of feeling like I was in a rat race! I spent so much time giving to others and not replenishing myself. I felt like I was failing as a wife and mother. I would often get home and not have the energy to cook, clean, or help with homework. I felt like I was being a poor role model and doing a poor job as a mother. I found it difficult to invest time in building my business. I was no longer taking the time to nurture my interests or wellness. It was time for a change, so I built up enough courage and gave my job notice. My plan was to create my own schedule which would allow me to nurture and rediscover my interest, spend more time with my daughters and husband and to nurture my private practice!
I was riding high, proud of myself and relieved because I finally did it! I felt I was gaining momentum in reinvesting in myself, reclaiming and rediscovering me! I would have more time for myself, my business, my husband and my children. I was stepping into the arena of self-employment, which meant I would be responsible for the cost of my own health insurance, malpractice insurance, and there’s no paid vacation days! Bottom line if I don’t work I won’t get paid. But let’s go!!!! The middle of 2017, the momentum came to a halt when I discovered I was pregnant with my 4th child and over the age of 40! “How am I going to take care of 4 when I’m barely hanging on and taking care of 3?” I was terrified. I am advanced maternal age, with a history of pre-eclampsia, with a history of postpartum depression and anxiety, and currently unemployed. I was in shock for 7 out of the 9 months that I was pregnant. I had a difficult time accepting the fact that I was 40 years old and having another baby. As the 9th month approached, I became increasingly more anxious because I knew the postpartum period was coming. I knew the chances of experiencing postpartum depression were very high as I had experienced it after each of my previous children. I wanted it to be different this time around.
Like clockwork, around the 4th week post-delivery, my old uninvited guests, depression and anxiety, arrived. I worried about affording our utilities, the groceries, and day care. The car was on its last leg. Then, while still on unpaid maternity leave, my contract telemedicine assignment, emailed me and said they found a provider to see their patients in person, and they no longer needed my services. It was like someone punched me in the gut. I was reminded of the cold and cruel world of business. It came at a very vulnerable time. The worse time! I was without income and living off of our savings. I became increasingly more depressed, irritable, and distant. My depression and anxiety was effecting every aspect of my life. One day my oldest daughter approached me and asked, “Mom? When will you go back to how you use to be?” That moment will forever be etched in my mind and heart. It stopped me in my tracks and I realized I had to do things differently. I had to remove the mask of shame, guilt, and denial.
We’ve been impressed with Radiant Light Psychiatry, but for folks who might not be as familiar, what can you share with them about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
Radiant Light Psychiatry (RLP) is a private psychiatric practice. Our passion is to help retrieve and bring out radiant qualities that empower and aid in positive transformations. Our mission is to promote mental health wellness and decrease stigma. I am a double board certified in adult, child, and adolescent psychiatrist, therefore qualified to provide services for all ages, however, I am most proud about offering services to women who may be struggling with perinatal depression and anxiety and professional women with large families who may struggle with depression and anxiety I have first hand experience and I am very aware of the challenges that may present. I feel this is something that sets me apart from others.
What does success mean to you?
Some define success as obtaining wealth, prosperity or fame. However, I feel success is when you are able to identify your purpose and then live/walk in your purpose.
Contact Info:
- Email: info@drraushanah.com
- Website: www.drraushanah.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drraushanah/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrRaushanah
Image Credits
Purposely Created Publishing- badge Photos (except for radio photo) – Hakim Wilson- Photo Brother’s Media
