Life & Work with Tonya Parker

Today we’d like to introduce you to Tonya Parker.

Hi Tonya, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
I am The Inclusion Practitioner. I was born and raised during my early childhood in the small town of Dry Branch, Georgia, followed by living in Macon, Georgia for over 20+ years. These days I am constantly on the move between Macon/Middle Georgia, Atlanta and surrounding areas, throughout the Southeastern U.S., or wherever my work in DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion) and ministry takes me–nationally and internationally. I am next to the oldest of five girls in my family.

I have a heart and passion for encouraging and inspiring others to be their best selves on every level–that’s what I strive to be–and to create space for others to do the same. It’s a shared responsibility starting with personal accountability.

I am often described by others as kind, compassionate, caring, understanding, and empathic, as well as cultured, outgoing, and friendly. I would have to agree! I am known to smile at people whenever I make eye contact with them. I have a great love for ALL of humanity and I am cognizant that every person I see and often have the opportunity to meet may have more going on in life than they would ever say and are just trying to get from point A to point B without breaking–down or into many pieces. That was how I navigated life for many years, though my positive demeanor and attitude may have spoken otherwise. I worked hard on myself to get to a place of real joy and peace and I extend it to others however I can.

Life has taught me that no matter where you go and no matter who you meet, people are people, meaning they want to feel valued, appreciated and respected; and if you get there, loved as well. These observances and experiences put me on the trajectory of becoming an Inclusion Practitioner, a title I registered for myself which I describe as someone who understands and practices equitable inclusion and shares this information with others to achieve authentic inclusive environments in which everyone present belongs and truly feel that they do. It sounds good in theory for sure, but it takes an honest self-assessment of each individual involved, as well as “real” acceptance of others and being mindful of the uniqueness that makes life very different for each person and every aspect of the human diversity they present and represent.

This can be done if, and only if, people really want it. It’s a matter of the heart, mind and will–foundationally. It’s a firm foundation on which I stand.

Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
As Langston Hughes states in his poem, “Mother to Son,” it holds true for me as well: “…I’ll tell you: Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair. It’s had tacks in it, And splinters, And boards torn up, And places with no carpet on the floor—Bare.”

The most difficult challenges I have had to overcome so far in my life include losing my father in a car wreck, in which my oldest sister and I were in with him at ages 11 and 9; divorce at age 33, which was a big surprise for me, as I was abandoned in marriage and had to say in the matter; and losing my hair to alopecia between the ages of 24-33, which is no longer an issue. I cut the remaining hair off and never looked back!

1. The wreck that wrecked me internally: When I was nine years old and my older sister was 11, we were traveling with our father on I-75 North, headed to Missouri for our summer trip, someone threw a 17-lbs cinderblock off of an overpass in Calhoun, Georgia, which crashed through our windshield and struck my father in the head, killing him instantly. I was riding on the passenger side of our vehicle and saw the whole thing happen. After we crashed into the wooded area below the interstate, my sister and I managed to escape the burning vehicle and were hospitalized for over a month–she with a broken collar bone and collapsed pelvis; I suffered major internal injuries including a lacerated liver and spent most of our hospital stay in the Intensive Care Unit of Floyd Medical Center in Rome.

This tragedy has been the most painful experience of my life. The trauma plagues me to this day, though it doesn’t affect me the same as in the past. I struggled throughout my childhood trying to be ok mentally and emotionally, but I was not doing well at all. I tried to will myself well and be fully present and appear as normal as possible during my adolescent years, but I struggled greatly and was often overwhelmed by survivor’s guilt and the pain of losing my father so tragically and watching it all unfold. I will not go into all of the details about this part of my life, but I will say this: The loss of my earthly father sent me running into the hands of my Spiritual Father and I have been building this relationship ever since. My understanding of who God is and how He loves me and all of Creation continues to fuel me forward to this day. I don’t think I would be alive today if that connection was not made. I can’t imagine my life without my God and at some points in my past, I was willing to find out what is on the other side of life, especially when living seemed like the worst option. The spiritual and emotional transformation that took place and continues within me has made me the person I am today. I choose to reflect light and treat people with kindness. I don’t know what their personal experiences are if they don’t share them, but as far as it depends on me, I do not wish to harm. I realize that we all have a choice in the matter of human relations.

2. Divorce: Long story short–I got married in 2007 and my husband and I were building a life and future together, as most married people do. We were happy, at least for the first three years I can recall, and year four was a bit rocky–nothing major, just “life” stuff that couples work through; then he left in 2012. When I say he left, I mean just that. He left. I came home from work one day and he was gone. His belongings were gone. Divorce papers were on the dining room table, awaiting my review and signature. This story will take more time and space than I have, but I will say this: The devastation of such behavior without understanding, communication, and prior knowledge of what was to come, truly took a toll on me. However, I had a firm foundation to stand on, my faith, and I was able to navigate this disaster as well. I was later told by ex-husband that he felt that he was in my shadow all of the time and he was never just “His Name”–he was always “Tonya’s husband.” His insecurity and the effect it had on me made me question myself and my internal light flicker. I’m glad I came to my senses on that one and kept it moving! Never allow anyone to make you feel that you must dim your light because you shine too brightly for them. They can always go somewhere else. Be true to YOU. That’s something I take very seriously in my life–being true to myself.

3. Alopecia: I was 24 when I was diagnosed with alopecia areata. Come to find out, I always had it. I was born with no hair on my head and I learned from my mother that my hair started growing around the age of two and it just kept growing and growing! I had long, thick hair during my childhood, but it didn’t last. When you have alopecia, you have it. It doesn’t go away. It was dormant in my body until reactivated during my late twenties/early thirties. My early thirties hold the most significant amount of hair loss I experienced at one time–I was going through the unimaginable abandonment, also know as divorce. Stress really takes a toll on you, especially if you are like me and often internalize your feelings. That’s why it is so important to take care of yourself and eliminate any harm you inflict on others. I cannot state enough–we all hurt, just for different reasons and at different seasons.

I decided that the hair loss situation was too painful to gradually watch, so I cut all of my hair off in 2014. When you walk around bald, you must also have boldness to accommodate it. I have confidently grown into my baldness and for me, it is what it is, and I’m good with it. Actually, I’m great with it! I find it to be quite liberating and I speak to myself in my mind as a bodacious, bald, bold and beautiful woman. Then I walk confidently in it! Besides, if we don’t pour into and lift ourselves up, who will?

Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
My professional career includes service at the Girl Scouts of Historic Georgia, Inc. (Executive Membership and Program Director), Tubman African American Museum (Director of Education & Outreach), and my alma mater, Wesleyan College (Chief Diversity Officer, Dean for Equity & Inclusion, and the inaugural director of the new Lane Center for Social and Racial Equity). I hold a Master of Theology with a concentration in practical theology, a BA in English and Philosophy, and a certification in Building Resilience Through Trauma-Informed Practices. I am a registered Inclusion Practitioner for civil discourse, dialogue facilitations, and DEI workshops and trainings. I work strategically, collaboratively and intentionally to bring diverse groups of people together and uphold inclusive and equitable communities in which we all can thrive.

Each position I have held has helped me to further realize my passion and love for social awareness and justice, education, DEI (Diversity, Equity & Inclusion), ministry, public speaking, and facilitating diversity dialogues and workshops. This path led to my independent work as an Inclusion Practitioner® for diversity presentations and inspirational speeches, civil discourse and dialogue facilitations, and DEI workshops and training for various organizations and companies including Georgia Bankers Association HR Institute, Girl Scouts of Historic Georgia staff, Macon Habitat for Humanity Board of Directors, Georgia Independent College Association, Bibb County Board of Education Aspiring Principals, Georgia Association of Collegiate Registrars & Admissions Officers, Americus-Sumter County Summer Retreat and Conference, CPCU Society of Georgia Farm Bureau, and a variety of others. I thoroughly enjoy sharing my passion, knowledge and experiences with others, both professionally and personally.

What sets me apart from other DEI professionals is my heart, compassion, lived experience, and the purposeful relationships I build with the people I meet and serve, in addition to the educational background and knowledge. I don’t just talk about and know about Diversity, Equity and Inclusion; I live it! It’s fully present wherever I am and it shows!

I am also an Inspirational Speaker and a licensed and ordained minister. I have counseled couples and officiated weddings throughout the state of Georgia over the last six years and I am grateful for every opportunity to serve in this capacity as well. I make sure couples understand that the wedding is an event and the marriage is my focus, which is the reason I do not officiate marriages without pre-marital counseling. I take the covenant relationship of marriage very seriously and I want the two who will become one to understand what they are getting into and for them to know why they want to do so.

Do you have any advice for those looking to network or find a mentor?
The mentor will show up when the mentee is ready. I strongly advise having a diverse pool of mentors for various reasons and seasons of life. Some people enter our lives to fuel us forward for the moment or a short span of time; others are called for months, seasons, or multiple years on your journey. All are necessary to get us where we need to be, and we must be open to receiving guidance, instruction, advice, and helpful criticism. Learning from others helps us to sharpen our own skills and hone our own craft. We must also utilize wisdom and discernment to be certain that we have the right people speaking into our lives. Not everyone deserves that privilege. Know the difference.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: tonya_parker_tp
• Facebook: facebook.com/Parker.TonyaS
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tonya-parker-inclusion-practitioner/
• Other: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGDrV2_GAg8 Middle Georgia Spotlight S5E9 | Tonya Parker

Image Credits:
WESMag–Wesleyan College Magazine Summer 2020 (photo of me reading about myself) Charles L. Long–all photos