Meet Trailblazer Tia Truthteller

Today we’d like to introduce you to Tia Truthteller.

Tia, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
Absolutely! I was in a relationship that started off promising but turned sour after a couple of years. I tried to work on it, but my partner seemed uninterested. I’d invested a lot in this relationship but finally, I was clear about the fact that most of my life was ahead of me and I had to make the most of it.

I started planning my new life without him, in rich detail. I’d moved to a town I hated in order to be with him and now I was going to move back. I had a vision of how I wanted my new life to look and thinking out the details made my spirit happy.

Here’s the kicker-my break-up announcement shook him to his core. The tables totally turned. He worked hard and eventually won me back. It took me time to forgive and he was patient, loving, and generous during this process. Our relationship transformed into the one I knew I deserved in my life.

All I could think was, “Why did it have to come this? Why didn’t he appreciate me when he had me? He could only say: “Sometimes, you just need a wake-up call.” Over and over, that’s all he said. Of course, I wasn’t satisfied with his answer but what inspired me to move forward with him was his total and absolute remorse.

The experience was an aha moment for me: sometimes you must remove yourself as an option for a man to realize what you mean to him.

My experience with this was so profound and powerful that I knew I had to share it with women everywhere.

Has it been a smooth road?
Let me preface this by saying I’ve learned so much along the way, I had to write a book about dating with a purpose. It’s rough out there!

If you’re marriage-minded, resist the temptation to just sit back, focus on your career, and think this will sort itself out if it’s meant to be. A cultural change is occurring around us, and I don’t think simply waiting will help things fall into place. You’re much more likely to find the right person when you date intentionally and do so regardless of where your career is and what your age is.

– Try to get out and socialize in real life; it pays off more than relying on dating apps alone. See it as simply widening your social circle, not necessarily looking for “Mr. Right.”

-Have a vision for the life you want, the type of relationship you want. This guides you and emboldens you to make the right choices in your relationships. I know how my vision steered me to where I am now…happily married 23 years to the guy I told you about. If people want to be with you, they’ll do what it takes.

-And on an intimate level, learn to manage your availability. When a guy is considering whether to upshift his relationship to the next level, whether it be girlfriend, fiancée or wife, he may not see the need to upshift the relationship if he’s content or already getting everything he wants. Even if he loves you. Put a time limit on title-free ‘situationships’. If he’s not willing to put a title on it, either he’s just not that into you or he’s not afraid of losing you.

-Which brings me to one more point. If you’re considering moving in together, make sure you have a frank talk about each person’s motives. You might think it’s bringing you a step closer to the altar and he could be doing it because it’s convenient or saves money. Never connect his dots, because the temptation is to draw in what you want to see. Resign yourself to the fact that difficult and sometimes awkward conversations are a must!

Please tell us more about what you do, what you are currently focused on and most proud of.
My message is for the young woman who knows empowering herself means more than bumping up against her sex factor. She revels in her femininity but also enjoys feeling capable and strong. She strives to live with a sense of dignity, class, and grace. She senses she can be a feminist without hating or imitating men. By the way, who says it has to be either or?

Which women have inspired you in your life?
My American grandmother was well-traveled and quite sophisticated. She was a high school principal. She and her sister (my great aunt) were just so classy. They had a sense of grace and decorum without being arrogant.

I admire my mother for her commitment to service. My dad is Nigerian and always tells the story of how when he met her at a college party in Boston, she told him she’d spent the previous summer doing community work in Axim, a rural town in Ghana. He was so impressed with her willingness to inconvenience herself in a place with no light or running water. Right there vowed to himself he was going to marry her and bring her back to his rural Nigerian village where they’d work to raise the standard of health care for his people. 5o years later, they’re still at it.

I also have to give a shoutout to all the Nigerian wives I know. It’s a patriarchal society there and they deal with it in a pragmatic way. The average wife has a general understanding of the male ego and has no qualms working around it to get what she wants.

Pricing:

• Dating on Purpose: An Illustrated Guide to Intentional Dating for Commitment-Conscious Millennials Paperback $9.98
• Dating on Purpose: An Illustrated Guide to Intentional Dating for Commitment-Conscious Millennials eBook $4.99
• Dating on Purpose: An Illustrated Guide to Intentional Dating for Commitment-Conscious Millennials Audiobook $12.99
• Free ebook: “The Men’s Commitment Formula” www.bit.ly/Upshift

Contact Info:

• Website: TiaTruthteller.com
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: www.instagram.com/Tiatruthteller
• Facebook: www.facebook.com/TiaTruthteller
• Twitter: www.twitter.com/TiaTruthteller
• Other: www.pinterest.com/TiaTruthteller

      Image Credit:
“Dating on Purpose” illustrations by Clara Spinelli

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