Conversations with the Inspiring Dr. Barbara Swinney

Today we’d like to introduce you to Dr. Barbara Swinney.

Thanks for sharing your story with us Dr. Barbara. So, let’s start at the beginning and we can move on from there.
In a period of six months, I experienced a major shift in my career (in the wrong direction…so I thought), I got a divorce, bought a house, sold a house, sent my firstborn off to college, and started a life and leadership coaching business to help women in leadership transition through life-changing events. All of this in the middle of experiencing the roller coaster ride of my own healing process, and fastening the seat belts of my two daughters as they navigated their new reality. Nobody could help me. I trusted no one to give me the grace that I needed should my performance fall below the level of excellence to which I had become accustomed. So I suffered in silence…I powered through.

I recognized that this was not just my story. This was the story of many women in leadership. Instead of having a place to process our personal problems, we stuff them; we put on our Ruby Woo Lipstick, our finest suits, and stylish heels, paint a smile on our faces…and we walk—confidently insecure—bound by the expectations of others, paralyzed by self-judgment; and completely afraid to give any indication that we are not OK.

This…is my why! This is why I became vigilant about helping women, like me, transition through life-changing events, while managing the demands of their roles as leaders; this is why I wrote the books, “It’s Always DEEPER” and “Leading the DEEPER Way”. This is why I host DEEPER Women Speak® —an event that provides a platform for women in leadership to share their stories and to empower other women to go after their healing, to go after their dreams, to lead, and to become DEEPER Women®!

I am a leader of more than 20 years, a John Maxwell Certified Life and Holistic Leadership Coach, Speaker, and Author using my gifts to inspire transformational thinking to help leaders clarify their vision and align their personal, professional, and organizational goals so that they are able to serve their purpose from any position.

Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
After ascending to a top-level position with my eyes set on the next promotion, I was literally tapped on the shoulder, called into a meeting and told that my “unique skill set” was needed in a lesser role. I was devastated. Before I could grieve this major shift in my career, within two months of the tap on the shoulder, I learned that my husband (my college sweetheart) of more than 20 years, was engaged in a long-term extramarital affair. The two facets (my marriage and career) of my life that most clearly defined my identity suddenly looked wildly different. My life was living its own life and I had no idea who I was in the middle of it. My confidence was shattered; I felt alone and invisible.

I no longer recognized myself. Who was I without all of the “stuff”? I had to heal. If I was going to truly live the rest of my life, I would have to take the steps necessary to mend my broken heart and figure out which of the pieces were worth keeping and those that I needed to toss. On this journey to me, these four actions became pivotal in my healing process.

#1 Take 100% responsibility: Not much of what happened to me was my fault, but it was certainly my responsibility. I accepted less that I deserved. I ignored signs of emotional abandonment and infidelity, and I stayed way longer than morally obligated. My behavior was not aligned with what I had envisioned for my life, but I made no adjustments (other than hope and pray that things would change). I didn’t honor myself. In accepting responsibility for the current reality in which I found myself, I was able to determine a path forward.

#2 Regain custody: I surrendered so much power and personal control in my marriage and my career. I lost sight of who I was as an individual, how to make decisions for myself, and simply how to run my own life. A prime example of this was blindly allowing my husband to handle the finances and being loyal to a career that was not loyal to me. When I found myself having to manage it all; to face it all, I would literally have panic attacks. I could not continue to live this way. I had to take charge of every aspect of my life.

#3 Forgive myself and everybody involved: I had to make a decision. I could walk around for the rest of my life considering my failures as a wife and blaming my ex and his girlfriend for their duplicity, or I could release all of us and grow into the greatness that had been suppressed by the toxic relationship. Through the process of forgiveness, I’ve learned to empathize and to have compassion for others. Generally, people are not acting from their bad places; they are acting from the places where they are wounded.

#4 Use my story to help others: As I’ve walked this path, I’ve found many women just like me. Many of them who did not have the emotional tools or resources to deal with grief in a productive manner. I often find myself sharing my story of breaking down and my moments of breaking through. Seeing themselves reflected in my situation seems to bring them hope; seeing myself in them, certainly gives me peace.

I would advise every women to take time to understand who she is and know why she was sent to this earth. Know that you are worth it…just because. Never accept less than you are worth and never shrink to make other people feel big.

It would be great to hear about any apps, books, podcasts or other resources that you’ve used and would recommend to others.
You can find a list of suggested readings on my website: barbaraswinneyinc.com.

Contact Info:

• Website: barbaraswinneyinc.com
• Email: bswinneyinc@gmail.com
• Instagram: @barbaraswinneyinc
• Facebook: @barbaraswinneyinc
• Twitter: @barbaraswinneyinc

Image Credit:
Tan The Lens Guru

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