Meet Carly Sackellares of Harbor of Dreams Art

Today we’d like to introduce you to Carly Sackellares.

Hi Carly, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
When I was sixteen, I reluctantly found myself in a therapy office with my mom. It wasn’t my first go at therapy. My mom is a social worker, and growing up, both of my parents harped on the importance of mental health. This time, however, felt different. I was navigating my first romantic relationship, and it was unveiling feelings from childhood I had believed were long since buried. In the middle of the session, our therapist, Dee Wagner, invited my mom and me to stand up and dance through the room as if it was filled with peanut butter. I couldn’t have been more delighted, and my mom couldn’t have been more horrified. This session was my first realization of how my adolescent romantic dance was triggering my unfinished childhood dances with my mom. I was seeking a partner to meet my needs when what I really wanted was to “fix” the dance with my mother. At first, our mismatched response to the “peanut butter dance” felt triggering rather than playful. Over time, Dee helped us to celebrate our mismatching dances instead of shutting them down.

Fast forward a few years, I fulfilled my dream of attending Georgia Tech and began a career in marketing. Nonetheless, I felt disconnected from my purpose and soon realized my true passion was in the mental health field. When I followed in my mother’s footsteps to pursue my Social Work degree at the University of Georgia, everything began to fall into place. However, one piece of my life I had yet to hack was romantic relationships. I had been in the online dating space for six years to no avail and felt discouraged. Luckily, Dee stepped in. She, too, had struggled with online dating and, as a dance-movement therapist, recognized her need to dance through the process. As a result, she, her new partner John Cargile, and her former colleague Kathy Jernigan created an online dating guidebook called Naked Online: A DoZen Ways to Grow from Internet Dating. She sent me a copy, and I read, journaled, and moved my way through the book at record speed.

The body-based practices coinciding with each chapter were the key to transforming my perspective on online dating. Rather than seeking partners to meet my needs, Naked Online taught me the value of using online dating to develop my relationship skills, particularly my relationship with myself and my body. The more I became in touch with my body, the easier it became to get in touch with my feelings. In turn, I started to have fun with the dating process.

As online dating becomes more and more of a “norm” in the dating sphere, I have become passionate about using my therapeutic knowledge and personal experience to help those who find the process overwhelming, vulnerable, and downright hellish. For the past two years, I have guided countless online daters toward finding self-love and acceptance in the digital dating space.

Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
Anyone who knows me today knows I don’t know how to be anyone but myself. Though, I certainly wasn’t always this way. Younger me yearned to be free—to be myself—but that path seemed more frightening than it was worth. I believed being myself meant sacrificing being liked and required a level of mismatch I wasn’t comfortable handling. I resorted to taking up less space, matching with everyone, and cultivating a “nice girl” coat of armor to protect myself from others’ judgment.

The act of hiding my authentic self trickled into my romantic relationships. I preferred to chameleon myself into whatever my current partner wanted me to be. This led to many unfulfilling relationships that ended once I could no longer keep up the act.

Discovering the body-based healing modality Chi for Two®—The Energetic Dance of Healthy Relationship, originated by Dee Wagner, changed my understanding of the importance of mismatch in my life. I used to fear not “going along.” Now I know that the more I embody my true self, the healthier my relationships become. This is a life-long process that I, of course, struggle with at times. Thankfully, I am continually inspired by my clients. I am honored to witness them find the courage to take up space in their lives, to identify what they want, how they can support themselves, and therefore how they can heal their relationships.

Great, so let’s talk business. Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what you think sets you apart from others?
Once I graduated with my MSW, Dee offered me the opportunity to join her practice, Harbor of Dreams Art. I pursued my love for body-based therapy and became a certified Chi for Two embodiment coach. As a therapist and coach, I use my online dating experience to help other online daters. In addition to individual coaching, I offer the Mindful Online Dating Workshop, a 12-week program that uses Naked Online as its guide. I help online daters work through their unfinished childhood dances that online dating can stir and develop healthier relationship skills. I provide space for them to wrestle through the discomfort of the process with a group of warm and supportive peers.

I am proud to offer online dating help that focuses on nourishing one’s relationship with oneself and others rather than on finding a partner. During my online dating journey, I realized that it helps to look at the process as an opportunity rather than a nightmarish undertaking. Once I viewed dating as a chance to get to know myself better and improve my relationship skills, I started meeting far more compatible matches. For the last two years, the Mindful Online Dating Workshop has helped participants in all stages of the dating process discover their mind-body connection and learn to have more satisfying relationships. It’s no secret that online dating can feel lonely and isolating. Joining a workshop full of peers who understand has provided invaluable support and comfort for my clients.

Who else deserves credit in your story?
I am lucky to have many people in my corner who have been integral to my success. I’m thankful for my parents, who always supported my mental health journey and led me toward healing and self-discovery at an early age. I see my mom as my role model as I forge my unique path as a social worker. I also credit Dee Wagner and all the developers of Chi for Two and Naked Online (Stephen Wagner, Caroline Gebhardt, May Lou Davidson, John Cargile, and Kathy Jernigan). They trusted me with their work, and I couldn’t have created the Mindful Online Dating Workshop without their brilliant minds.

Contact Info:

• Website: lustierlife.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lustier.life/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/carlysackellarescounseling

Image Credits
John Cargile